So first off thanks Angels for all your words of advice yesterday.
I called WineBar last night to be like hey this dude asked me out on a date and I wanted to see if you were set on what we decided – that we don’t know and we’ll decide when you get back.
WineBar picks up the phone when I FaceTime him and he’s talking to me and we’re going back and forth and then guess what I see?
I see a shadow behind him!
Not just any shadow!
The shadow of a woman.
I swear. That fucking skank. Some dark black haired chick who seems to be putting on earrings. Totally unconcerned that she’s walked into the view of his camera. He has no idea that she’s behind him but she’s like looking at the phone and my face and looking out of curiousity. Like who is this bitch talking to my man. Oh the height of irony. She’s thinking who is my man talking to.
Uhmm…no. I didn’t even ask him about Professor. I just was friendly. We talked another minute and then I hung up. And poured myself a glass of scotch. Ew. But I needed a drink.
I am gonna get dolled up. Do my hair. Do my makeup. Buy La Perla. Get my nails done. Get a nice dress.
And I’m going out.
Beware world. Alexis Angel is back. And she’s out for blood.
In honor of that, I want ALLLL the men in the world. That’s why today, Sevensome is up for sale! This book got booted off Amazon. But for the next 24 hours, if you buy it, you get 7 other books for 25% off. That’s like getting 4 books for the price of 7 I think! You don’t wanna miss it.
And the world has missed me for long enough. I’m fucking back. Bitches won’t know how to act.
Wow I don’t even know what to say. I do know that you need to co front him if ypu two didn’t have an obvious we are seeing other people in place. That is complete BS!
You Rock Girl! Play it off & do your thang. I would let him know about his playmate being seen.
OMG!!!! He’s such an ass it just seems like it’s all about him he didn’t even consult you before he had another woman. Live your life Alexis it’s just too short don’t let him get away with that. Good on you that you didn’t tell him about the professor he doesn’t deserve you. Enjoy you evening out and don’t think about Winebar at all.
Alexis,
Drop him. He seems to want it to be all about him without considering your feelings. Also, I’m not sure I buy the whole he didn’t know she walked into his camera frame. You don’t need that type of energy in your life; if you’re ready for a relationship, stop looking for it with him. He’s not ready and you shouldn’t be in a holding pattern. Move forward, live your best life. You always say that you starting writing in order to empower women to take control of their lives, their finances, their pleasure. Don’t dim your shine on the off-chance that he’ll place you in the right setting.
Man. That was a punch in the gut. As much as that sucks, good for you.
Just remember don’t do something out of anger that you may one day regret. As for WB I would have said: “ well I SEE you’ve moved on so I guess it’s time for me to do the same.” Girl I would’ve made sure “she” heard you. I also would have told him not to bother coming for the holidays since he has moved on. Be safe & have fun but please be very careful.
I agree, Margaret! That’s exactly what I would have done!
I whole heartly agree!
Great advice Margaret. Just wish things could have been different for them. What a jerk doing that to Angel
Sorry you had to go through that. I knew, but didn’t want to tell you. As a woman who has lived 70 years, you know when a man wants to play. Just don’t lose your soul in getting even.
Ok all I’m going to say is, I’ve had “that feeling “ since NOLA. Why else would he not want to commit. Yup time to move on. Honestly if you ever hear from him again , don’t waste your time.
Date professor and what the heck go for Baker man.
Love ya! My heart hurts over this. Ass whopping on WB.
Wow I can’t even. I don’t understand men anymore. You would think at 58 I would but, gosh. Go out and have fun! Life is too short for regrets. Maybe the Professor is The One. You won’t know if you don’t go. Love you girl!
Sheila
You are moving forward. It is his loss.Go have fun and we are looking forward in hearing all about Mr. Hot Professor. Keep the books coming. ?
I’m heartbroken on your behalf. I had my suspicions when you went to visit him in Miami. Move on…he doesn’t deserve you.
Super (((hugs))) xx
Ditch his arse!!!
Kick him into oblivion preferably via his balls!!!
But rub his nose in it first, maybe accidentally butt dial or FaceTime him so he overhears/sees a sexy and steamy little make out session and then be like,
“? However did that happen?”!!!
Nah. Why waste time playing games with a db who obviously cares nothing for your feelings. Had he cared, he would have moved to another room and told the OW you were a business call. Just walk away. Butttt, make sure you copy him on the book you write that features a loser named WB who lets the perfect woman get away.
As I read your blog you say you both decided to see other people so I don’t understand why everyone is upset You need to ask WB what’s up with the skank and see what he says. She probably did it on purpose.You guys have gone back and forth for so long find out if you really want to be together and if so you both make it work.
Here’s my two cents. I kind of agree that while it royally sucked that you had to see “her”, if you guys agreed on being non-exclusive, can you really be surprised? It seems like the same thing keeps happening over and over (regarding the committment part – are we together or not).
I agree with everyone else in that you shouldn’t wait around for WB. Life really is short and don’t waste your time on someone that doesn’t seem to care enough about you. If he did care, he wouldn’t have answered the call knowing that “she” was still in the room!!!
Enjoy your time with the professor and we all can’t wait to hear how that goes. hugs and kisses 🙂
I agree, with Dee, and what ever you do don’t call him out on it. Be done with it. This isn’t the first time he’s pulled some form of a stunt. You like every woman you write about and every one here deserves someone to treat them respectfully and nothing less. Well unless your between the sheets but he’s missed that boat.
I agree with this.
You did agree to see other people.
Does he still read this? He might be trying to send a message.
I agree with Dawn. It makes me wonder if Ms. Shadow is the reason WineBar hasn’t made a commitment to you. Maybe yours isn’t the first conversation that Ms. Shadow has overheard? I’m so very sorry Alexis! Go out and have a wonderful time.
Done-Zo! Toss this clown to the curb and find a REAL MAN! You’re too cute to be on hold!
I’m sorry you had to find out how things are like that but perhaps it was the push you really needed.
Can’t wait to hear all about this sexy professor.
xoxo Carm
I’m with Margaret M and i’d totally let him know about Professor, I would of also let the Chick know that she wasn’t all that exclusive.
Have fun with the Professor.
WTF!! And the reality is how long has that been going on… Go girl get yourself back out there and find someone you deserve. You have had your love life on hold long enough for him. Have a blast on your date!!!
I have to wonder why he even answered the phone with her there!? So maybe he wanted you to know without actually telling you, but if so, what a POS! Go out and have a blast, no regrets!
There is only one reason (well 2 but I’m sure he wasn’t performing any cosmetology on her) to take off your earrings when with a man. He’s been having a good time as a single man. He is not the kind of guy who is going to remove himself from the party. He is a player and he has ensured that with the profession he has chosen. You want someone who is exciting, alpha, intelligent, well rounded, and handsome but can also be honest. WB is not that guy. Move on and See what life has to offer you but do it smart and put your self first. The only one that’s going to protect Alexis is Alexis.
I agree with this statement right here! Even if you and WB had decided to see other people, he wouldn’t have had the other woman over if he really cared for you. He would have felt just like you and thought “maybe I should call Alexis and see how she feels about this”. He hasn’t taken your feelings into consideration from the very beginning. I think you were right to not mention that you saw her and decided not to tell him about the professor. I really believe that this was the final push you needed to “move-on” from Winebar for the last time. Take the high road, tell him it’s over and say your final goodbyes, politely. Enjoy getting yourself ready for the date with the Hot Professor and have a wonderful time! We can’t wait to hear all bout it!
Alexis, I say you should tell WineBar that you saw the woman behind him while talking to him. Tell him that unless he’s decided to commit to you and only you and don’t play any games with you, then he shouldn’t come up for the holidays. Why waste your time coming up to see you if he’s doesn’t want a relationship. He can easily tell you that on the phone or facetime. In the meantime, go out with the Professor and have a nice time. You don’t need to tell WineBar about your date because you don’t owe him anything. He didn’t tell you about the mystery woman so why tell him about the Professor. Things between you and WineBar need to be settled ASAP. Either he’s all in a relationship with you, or he’s not. He can’t expect you to sit around waiting for him to commit. Make that clear to him and move forward with your life.
I agree with Cheryl.
Wow! I was NOT expecting that and it hurts my heart for you. Like the other ladies who have weighed in, I am not so sure he wasn’t aware she was in the call. Asshole! You deserve to be happy and have put things on hold for so long for him because he can’t make up his mind. Go have fun with the Professor and anybody else you want to do…er, get to know! Yeah, that’s what I meant!!
And he is done. That kind of disrespect is not something that can be over- looked, in my “book” any way. Keep moving forward. Plenty more where that came from.
You go girl!!!!
If you are going to do this out of revenge don’t do it. I went that route many years ago and felt like a POS afterwards. But. if you have a sincere desire to see the Professor, then go for it. But also talk to WB about it. Don’t sink to his immature level. My heart hurts for you. I went through this exact situation when I was 25. I am 59 now and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It made me stronger but it hurt like a son of a bitch at the time.
Well damn I’m speechless! I would definitely ask him about the girl he needs to man up and be honest. I really wish you would’ve made a comment like hey who’s your “friend” would’ve liked to know what his reaction would’ve been.
Truthfully it’s not even me and I’m upset. Like he should have at least said something. I would ask him about it if I was in your shoes. Be like I was calling to tell you this this and that and then I saw a woman. Like how do you think that made me feel. One thing is knowing there is a possibility of you seeing other people and another is actually seeing it with your own two eyes. That has to hurt and he needs to understand that. I’m totally team wine bar always have been but talk to him and tell him that sucked to see that he shouldn’t have answered if he was with another woman and see what he says and if has a douche about it you will have your answer about needing to cut him loose once and for all. Like how would he feel if he actually saw you with another man?
I’m sorry ? That is completely f*****up. He’s a tool. At this point I gotta say you are way better off without him. Regardless of wether or not he knew you could or couldn’t see her there – cause if it was purposeful that you saw her that means he hasn’t got the balls to say it’s over or accidental viewing then his just a sneaky ass****. and stringing you along and wants his different girls on each coast. He will NOT change! Do not trust WB! If you do see him over the holidays end it, just look really good when you do? Enjoy your date with the prof and remember teachers are excellent to be with… Lots of days off and long summer vaca?
I agree with a lot of these comments, but specifically Margaret M. I would make it plain to him that you saw her. You know. And you don’t expect to see him for the holidays since he’s clearly moved on, and didn’t want to be held back with a relationship while away. His feelings obviously didn’t mean as much as he said they did. I am hurt and angry for you. Please be safe….BUT Have fun. LOTS OF IT!
What a douche! I think you should go out with the Professor AND the baker and anyone else who tickles your fancy. Then when he’s home in Dec, whenever he calls (or however he chooses to connect), just tell him you can’t do it every night he suggests because you have plans with the guy you’re seeing. Whether it’s true or not! Embellish, say you have holiday plans with his parents. Make it clear you’ve found a good guy who WILL commit. Frankly, I just think he really doesn’t want to be the bad guy and end things with you. Make it clear you’re done waiting around and you’re looking for/have found a real man. Not an overgrown child.
I am so sorry this happened to you. That you’re going through this at all. I don’t know about everyone else but to me seeing othe people did NOT mean sleeping with them (if that’s what happened). My advice is to let him know you saw her, that him sleeping with other women was part of the deal (if it wasn’t) and let him know you’re done. Really end it. Don’t just assume it’s over. IF you want it over end it. (For good). You’re to smart, funny and beautiful to be wasting you’re time on his childish games.
I agree with all the comments. If Winebar wanted to see other women. he should have had the balls to tell you. Not having you find out while you are facetiming him.
I would have to agree with everyone that his actions were totally uncool. Very disrespectful. But, I also have to wonder what point was he trying to make to the Bimbo he was with, by answering your call? Seems he was dissing both of you. In which case makes him a total ass. Enjoy your life for you, not some lame excuse of a man. Life is way to short to put up with those that are not worthy.
Just, wow! Well, at least you got your answer to the dating others conundrum. Go have fun on your date and live your life to the fullest! I wouldn’t waste much more time on Winebar. You deserve someone who is going to put you first and will go out of his way to make you happy. Don’t settle girl!
Wow!! Some men can be such jackasses. I guess he needs a good swift kick in the pants. Shall we all get in line for a turn?? You go and have fun with that sexy professor. Don’t give him a second thought. Love ya!!
Relationships should not be this difficult.
Make a decision and move on from there.
He knew she was there, she was in his space, he didn’t move away for privacy to talk to you. He is pulling a passive aggressive move on you. He said you should see other people, clearly he is. If you are not okay with that, move on. Hell move on anyway. Don’t let him come down for the holidays, live your own life.
If he is really serious about you, he will do whatever needs to be done to be with you. Everything else is just excuses.
Dump his ass once and for all.
The universe is offering you options (baker man and professor), winebar doesn’t seem to be one of them. When last have you heard from him where you have not contacted him first?
You and WB are not anywhere close to being on the same wave lenght romantically or emotionally. Did you or he suggest seeing other people? My suspicion it’s him. And he’s doing so while you were worried if you should ask him if you could go on a date with another man. His: when I’ll see you we can talk about our relationship, after I F#$£ you of course. At this point, you owe him nothing. On again and off again relationships (if you can even call this one) are horrid and emotionally draining and just pretty much mean it’s over, but they are afraid to let it go.
Ok, I totally agree with your decision to go out with Professor and as far as telling WB about your date, it really shouldn’t have mattered what he thought when it appears to be a we can date other people deal. I understand how bad that hurts and if he’s seeing someone else he should be up front about it, but it might have been a hook up which doesn’t make you feel any better. The deal is he is seeing other people so he has no right to think that you won’t. You need to move on and if you decide when he comes back for the holidays to talk to him then you need a decision, this limbo doesn’t let you move on, not fair to you. As much as you might each want each other it might not be the time and it may never be. If he looses you it will be his loss. Hey though go out on your date and have fun, this isn’t about getting even but about moving forward and don’t let WB get in the way of having fun on your date.
I’m sorry he has become such an asks. I would tell him you saw his whore. And then be like be a real man and oh wait think I may have found one. It kills me bc I like wine bar in the beginning
I just wanted to make a quick comment. Unfortunately Winebar is a womanizer he will not change not just for you but any relationship he is in. They can’t help themselves there is always something new and shiny over there. He sounds like the old adage the dog and his bone he doesn’t want it right now but don’t try to take it away. Two of my grandfathers were terrible womanizer’s one had 2 families at the same time married to my grandma at the time and the fake wife and kids who thought they were legit and when he was out with my mother and her sister when they were younger he made them tell people he was there uncle (a real Latin lover) and the great grandfather was just as bad my grandmas dad. I had a dear friend that was my roommate for 15 years he also was a terrible womanizer but man his lines were so good and so convincing he was married 10 times, me and his pet cat were the longest female relationships he had. So honey please don’t waste anymore of your time you’ve given as good as you can, and don’t continue to play his game, just cut him loose. If he’s like my friend who has passed on he would tell every new girl that he was never serious about the other woman it was all her.
I just wanted to make a quick comment. Unfortunately Winebar is a womanizer he will not change not just for you but any relationship he is in. They can’t help themselves there is always something new and shiny over there. He sounds like the old adage the dog and his bone he doesn’t want it right now but don’t try to take it away. Two of my grandfathers were terrible womanizer’s one had 2 families at the same time married to my grandma at the time and the fake wife and kids who thought they were legit and when he was out with my mother and her sister when they were younger he made them tell people he was there uncle (a real Latin lover) and the great grandfather was just as bad my grandmas dad. I had a dear friend that was my roommate for 15 years he also was a terrible womanizer but man his lines were so good and so convincing he was married 10 times, me and his pet cat were the longest female relationships he had. So honey please don’t waste anymore of your time you’ve given as good as you can, and don’t continue to play his game, just cut him loose. If he’s like my friend who has passed on he would tell every new girl that he was never serious about the other woman it was all her.
Hi there, girl!
I am sorry the vid call went that way, but I am also not very surprised or mad because you told us that you and WB were sort of free to see other ppl, right?
I agree that you should go this date, but not out of vengeance… you should go for the right reasons.
Also, if you decide that the professor is someone you’d like to keep dating, I think you should come clean with WB and sever all ties with him. The professor does not deserve anything less, imo.
Love always, Jo
I was hoping you and winebar would make it work. However, you cannot stop life waiting for wb to commit. Maybe you should tell him you saw her and have your talk on phone and not in person cause he could make you melt if he was in front of you and saying all the right things. We are all rooting for you. Go on your date. If nothing else, it will show you if you are in the right frame of mind to start looking. Just be safe!
you both did agree to see other people. It’s not worth playing games to get back at him for something you both agreed on. It’s obvious you still have great feelings for him and your heart is hurt that he has started dating or whatever already, but you were already considering going out with the Professor and wanted to get a feel on WB, so I guess in a way you both have consciously or subconsciously accepted that right now you two aren’t good for each other. In many of the newsletters you sent out it seemed like the ratio of happy to not happy was off and not in the good way. Maybe someday down the road you two will reconnect but now is not the time and he isn’t the one. Open your heart to new possibilities and it will sneak up on you when you are least expecting it. Just no games…it isn’t fair to either one of you, and even though you are hurting it is just mean and a waste of time.
Alexis – Before you get mad, remember you agreed you both could see others. Also, you don’t know who she is, so there could be an innocent reason for her to be there. Is Winebar the type of man who would facetime one woman while another is right there with him? She could be a date or just a friend or co-worker, or maybe he is seeing others to make sure you are the right one for him. Either way, I think you should keep to the “seeing others” agreement for now and then make a definite decision about your relationship when Winebar comes out for the holidays. If you really want to get back with Winebar, keep all other relationships casual until/unless you decide that you and Winebar are really through. Whatever you do, don’t act rashly based on something you “saw” but might have misunderstood. And who knows? This could all be moot if you meet someone else before Winebar gets back to SF.
WB has guts! But I agree with Margaret M. Don’t do anything out of anger! Cause your the one that will pay not him. And you know that old saying “Ya don’t know what ya go till it’s gone” he will figure it out! Enjoy your life!
I agree with JP. Keep to seeing others but don’t jump to conclusions. Did it look bad? Yep, most definitely. However, you both agreed to see others. Personally, why would he answer your face time if he was trying to hide something. He could have ignored the call. Have fun Alexis. Go on the date and enjoy yourself. Then when time is right have the conversation with WB. This on off thing is good for some but not others. You to need to find your conclusion.
Yes,you may have to decided to date other people, but to me dating and sleeping with are different things. If it came to the point while seeing someone else, that you or he decided to become intimate with that person, that would be the point you need to be honest about what you want. I’ve obviously missed something, but remember reading earlier emails, and being the romantic that I am, hoped everything would work out. You deserve more than the constant back and forth, and the not knowing. I hope you have a wonderful time on your date, and you never know, he may even be the one xx
Yes, you may have decided to date other people, but to me dating and sleeping with someone else is completely different. If it comes to the point when seeing someone that you decide you or he wanted to take it further, then that’s when you should talk and be honest about what you want. I’ve obviously missed something, but remember reading earlier emails, and being the romantic that I am, hoped everything would work out. You deserve to be someone’s all, not just for when the time suits them. Whether it was intentional or not, having another woman there while talking to you, is disrespectful to both of you. Go on your date, have fun. He may not be the one, but why should you sit around and wait for someone to make up their mind, while still having their fun xx
Seriously?! Ugg….. you go do you, that’s all you can do. It sucks when you care about someone and something like this happens. Weird that he answered with her there though. But I would def be honest with him and tell him everything. A relationship of any kind is nothing without honesty and openness. But OMG, have so much fun!
Sorry to comment twice but I just wanted to say that you seem like the type of person who wants your significant other around more often than not. Which is good, some people are good with long distance relationships, which is also good. But if you can’t have what you want out of a relationship and both be happy all the time then like I said before. It’s time to do you and find someone who would move heaven and earth to be with you and not being able to stand not going to bed next to you every night and having it be you that they reach for in their sleep and seeing you every morning. Plus you want to be able to jump on that any time you want to! Lol
I would tell WineBar that even though there was an agreement made that it still made you feel like crap and mad and that’s not fair or fun. I wish for you to have much more success Ann’s happiness with your writing, your store, your readers and love. All of which are tough and will be frustrating at times but none of it should make you feel the way you did during or after that phone call. I always say… don’t worry so much about things in your life that you can’t change and you will have less worries about things that you can change. So change something, break the cycle and be happy. Remember, stress and worry lines don’t look too good on women and it will age you more quickly. Lol Keep that beauty and sass and take no prisoners!
I’m so sorry your face-time with WB went that way but at least you know he’s taking the “seeing other people” seriously. Just don’t go out with the Professor out of anger at WB, it wouldn’t be fair to him or to yourself. This is one of those situations you have to look within yourself to decide what you really want with WB and if the long distance relationship is really going to work for both of you. That’s not very helpful but I think you already know, in your heart, what your decision will be.
You and WB are each other’s bad habit. Its time to quit each other. You both are equally to blame . so stop the whining and get on with your life. WB seems to have moved on. Go out with whomever you please and don’t look back. If the two of you haven’t made up your minds about each other by now, its not going to happen. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here, so all you have is today. Be happy and enjoy what you have in the now. But lets face it…no matter what anyone tells you, you will do exactly as you please.
From what you said, I say Winebar should be history. Kiss my ass goodbye.
I hate to say this but I had a feeling this has been happening all along. Sorry to say that but WB did seem like a player. Go out and have fun, if I’m wrong so be it. I would let him know you saw his plaything in the back ground though and gage his reaction. Good luck