Ok babes first up, I wanna say I never intended the single joke to sound like something sooper epic had bombed in my life…other than what was already happening in my last blog post.
And uhmm I can barely catch my breath for the rest of the story.
Like ok I meant single like oooh like my box set and because I’m not married. Also because just after the talk vs. no talk fiasco I realized we aren’t really like ultra committed. We love each other. We love spending time with each other. But the universe…and the fact that SF isn’t really that big of a city I suppose…seems intent on reminding me of someone else…
So yeah I’m in the bathroom and Lana’s like, “Sister????”
“uhm yeah I mean I went to that cookout and met his family, no sister I met.”
“The nerve,” Lana says but there’s something in her voice. I can tell she thinks something else is going on but not so much the Winebar is lying again thing. And yeah I wanna believe that too but how could I be so sure?
It’s giving me this need to drink like the sugariest booze I can and not feel the rest of the night! I take a deep breath instead.
IT Guy texts me. this dude your ex?
Fuck. I text back. yep
IT Guy says nothing back and I want to throw my phone. I know I’m being dramatic but omg this is dramatic!!!
“Let’s go back out there,” I tell Lana.
She gives me this look. She kinda knows me better than I know
So I walk back out, attempting to be chill.
I see Winebar where he was, the girl he was with looking so confused, and IT Guy has gone to the table with Nat and Daph and Aiden.
I walk up to Winebar and his eyes are super wide. “Look at this!” he says with more urgency than I’ve ever heard when he wasn’t about to like cum on my tits. This was serious.
I look at this phone though I’m not sure what he’s planning to show me.
Then I recognize his dad…the girl standing there…and a woman who looks like she’s obviously that girl’s mom. “Sorry Brenda,” he says to the girl. “This is Alexis. Alexis, this really is my sister. My dad has another woman…another life. It’s…”
I think my brain is about to explode.
“I wanted to tell you a long time ago but things have been, well, crazy,” he continues.
“Stop talking,” I say, almost in a whisper.
“Alexis?”
“I want to say you must realize you ghosted when I thought you were cheating this whole time but…yeah, that is a lot.” I think about my parents and like I can’t even imagine if I had to find out my dad had some surprise other family.
“I have no excuse. I just miss you, baby,” Winebar says.
I look at him. I don’t want to say anything out loud. My brain is deep frying all my thoughts. “I have to get back,” I say, finally.
The rest of the night at dinner I have fun, but my brain keeps repeating his words over and over again.
At the end of the night, IT Guy drops me off and barely looks at me, but I can’t blame him really.
Lana grabs a big bottle of Dom and Nat and Daph and I sit in the living room and talk about anything except what happened at dinner.
Aiden and Lana said goodbye at one point and I’m like Lana, let’s discuss. She giggles profusely and she’s like ok I gave him my panties again.
“What????” I ask her.
She keeps giggling. “I didn’t babe but like I need to distract you. You saw a ghost tonight.”
“God, he’s like perfect,” Natalie adds.
Daphne smacks Natalie.
I start laughing.
I wake up in full Alice Cooper eyes the next day with a pounding headache and text IT Guy: Sorry about last night.
I delete the second sentence because it’s too much, but I’d typed… “I don’t know what I want.”
Sure, maybe … IDK if Winebar’s thing changes anything. I kinda feel bad for him in general and think he probably needs someone to talk to. But yeah no one says that has to be me.
So I’ve never felt more single. I’m Alexis Angel the contemporary romance author looking for love…but now that I’ve found way too much of it, I think maybe I need to start drinking again lol!
Holy heck! Just. Holy. Heck!
SAAAME
WOW. I don’t know what to say to all of that except wow.
OMG- Really WOW!!!!
He should have trusted you with that when you two were together not nearly a year later. It shows you were more invested. I get that guys dont like talking about like anything but he still ducked up and kept you in the dark. I still dont have sympathy for what he put you through. He could have even said that he had a lot going on and would talk to you when he got it sorted in his on head not ghost you the way he did. I think your just still a little stuck on him. But he broke trust amd that takes a hell of a lot to earn back. IT guy deserves better then half of you so if you cant give your all to him right now figure out what you want. We love ya girl and your strong so you will figure it out. It just sucks sometimes.
I think IT guy put the brakes on a while ago. He can’t be too angry now. Do whatever feels right to you.
While you were gone, I was thinking maybe being single is the best thing right now. (Especially for inspiration) maybe have some fun, nothing too serious.
Talk to Winebar, if you want, or don’t. Just be careful with both of them.
Yeah WOW ZA….you got the nest mess! Winebar was wrong…and who’s to say he didn’t have someone else and just left them hanging like he did you? Hmmm…and what was IT guy thinking ?? If he loves you he should have stood by you not walk away. It’s a fine mess you’ve got little girl…good luck.
WOW! I have to agree with Rebecca, if IT guy cared enough he would have stayed at your side instead of running away. As for Winebar, what he said maybe true but remember how you felt when he ghosted you. Good luck and do what makes you happy
Hmmmm well , I’m still not trustful of WineBar at all. Too many “things” have happened in the past. All I can say is go with your gut feelings on this. Shit is about to get real.
Alexis, my girl, you have got yourself in one hell of a spider web. I honestly do not have a recommendation other than this:
-come clean with them both – be honest of your feelings and that you are in ‘IDK’ land. You love them both, there is nothing wrong with that.
-seriously lay out some ground rules, ones that you ALL follow, sorry babe but that means you too. 🙂
-just take some time for yourself and reflect what you want from ‘your’ man. What do each of these guys bring to the table?
-always remember to stay true to you.
This is crappy and not easy but be patient and open and honest. Either you will find something more with IT Guy or Winebar or maybe you will move forward and meet someone new.
All else fails……write it out in a book and see what happens. Love you all, take care! Best of luck!
Let me tell you life is short. Winebar needs to keep walking and not look back. He broke your trust and that’s hard to get back. There isn’t any excuse for the way he treated you. To me that almost means he doesn’t respect you. I’m not sure what to think about IT Guy. I’m a little disappointed in him at the moment. I keep telling my 16 year old that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Keep working on Alexis. Everything else will come when the time is right. I had my soulmate for 20 years before he passed away. I hope that one day I’ll have another HEA. You deserve more than what you got from Winebar. I have to give IT Guy credit. He seemed to be willing to talk and be honest with you. Take care and best of luck!
This may not be a popular a opinion but I think you should talk to Winebar. If you still have feelings for him you owe it to yourself to explore them regardless of what anyone else thinks. If it doesn’t work out you can finally close that chapter in your life and move on. Good luck!
Complicated? Yeah, lots!
But this idea that we have to have a happily EVER AFTER, settle down forever with only one person, not be “complete” without the another half of some hypothetical soul that somehow was split (who knows how, where, why…?) — it doesn’t really have to be true.
You have some great friends, even a cool best friend (or more than one, perhaps – IT guy could also qualify as friend, I’m betting), know how to enjoy yourself, can include others in your fun and your life…
And you really have enough strength to be yourself, even when it seems like you need to see yourself in the mirror of some guy’s eyes.
In my personal opinion, based on personal experience, guys will almost never be exactly what a woman (or a girl, as the case may be) expects, and this can be seen as frustrating or challenging, a hindrance to a relationship, or an enhancement.
The only thing you can trust a male of the human race to be is untrustworthy, in my opinion, again. This doesn’t mean that they should be cancelled from our lives, just that we have to accept the fact and be who we, as women complete unto ourselves, best can be. With them when we can, or want to, but not dependent on their whims for our own happiness.
So —
Winebar took a while to grow up, realizing what a good thing he had? Well, are you still that woman? Or is he pining for what you were, but are no longer? And you? Could you accept that you’ve both changed? And not together, walking the same path, but along different trails!
And
IT guy keeps backing off to allow you your own space (and seemingly his, too)? Can you honestly say you’d be ready to commit to him? He shows all the signs of fearing that you never could, thus cutting his losses before too much pain can hit either of you.
Having already lost someone very dear, both of you, although his loss was extremely permanent, makes you both aware of how temporary reality is.
Love, eh?
Such a fickle word.
Real, solid love can be temporary, also. The myth of “always and forever” has created so many problems, making so many feel like a failure, when what was truly love changes over time, as is natural.
All this rambling is just to try to explain my point of view, which I do realize is not universally accepted, and obviously, since all human beings are different, couldn’t possibly be true for everyone.
As others have said, the important thing is to take care of yourself. Only you can live your life, and only you can see from your eyes.
I too think you should talk to Winebar… you obviously still have feelings for him that need to be resolved. Listen to what he has to say, then tell him how he made you feel when he ghosted you, when he messed you around etc. Then take it from there. I’m so disappointed with IT guy…..in his own way he’s been doing the same as Winebar. Take time to think about what YOU want and move on from there xx