So I got an angry call from Lana today.
“Alexis!!” she yells into the phone. “Where are you?!”
Right. Lana was in her writing cave and she usually turns off her phone and so didn’t see my calls and text till she was done – at which point I was already asleep.
I’ve run out of clean panties here, Angels. And I have a hysterical Lana on the other line. But it’s okay if I don’t have clean panties lol because I just wear a bikini and get in the salt water. I’m pretty sure the salt water makes everything clean by exfoliating?
So Lana wants to know when I’m coming back now and I’m like I dunno and i get that’s not really the most helpful thing to say and so I shrug.
But you can’t really convey a shrug over the phone.
After a while Lana calms down. And we’re just talking. I’m telling her about Jason Mimosamosamosa and our conversation goes like this.
“So WineBar is in town and he’s looking for you,” she says.
“Oh,” I tell her. I’m okay with being missed by him for a while.
“And IT Guy is coming around looking for you too,” she says.
“I mean we sorta broke up,” I say. “I can go wherever I please.”
“Yeah, I basically told them that,” she says.
“Good,” I tell her.
“But when IT Guy was here, WineBar knocked too so I was able to tell them together. Very efficient,” she says.
“Ok that must have been awkward for them,” I say to Lana.
“Yeah it was pretty awkward at first, but then they started talking more.”
“Okay….” I say. Gotta be honest. Not sure where this is going.
“They sort of invited each other for a beer,” she says. “They seemed to be getting along when they left.”
“Wait…they left?” I ask out loud.
“Yeah, to go get a few drinks and talk.”
What the fuck.
People who have had sex with me should not be going out and getting beers. What is this? A reverse harem?
No you cannot be friends together.
No you cannot hang out.
Your focus should be me. Not each other.
Can IT Guy do the things I was able to do for WineBar? Can WineBar do the dirty things I did with IT Guy??? Hmmm?
No, because they have cocks. And unless something has changed I need to be the focus.
I still am all about the love yourself, but this seems like somewhat of an emergency, Angels.
I’ve just gone ahead and rebooked Alaska Airlines for later on this evening. I’ll be touching down in San Francisco in the early morning.
No they do not go make friends with each other.
I’m going to land in California and use my high heels to smash any budding friendship. I’m going to ground it to dust with the power of my pussy. I don’t even know what that means but I am not going to let them make friends with each other and start the “I Banged Alexis” Club.
I am a Warrior Angel, now. And hell hath no fury.