Urban Cowgirl 2.2B

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“That sounds nice but,” I hesitate. I don’t want to say anything to hurt his feelings.

“You need some time to yourself today?” Ben prompts. Relief floods my body.

“Yes, exactly.” I push some of the food around on my plate. My appetite suddenly vanished which is a shame since the food is so delicious.

“Don’t even worry about it. I completely understand.” Ben offers me an easy smile.

“I appreciate it.” I mean it. I slide the rest of my food into the garbage disposal and wash the dirty dishes in the sink before slinking back to the guest room.

I feel bad about turning Ben down but I know I made the right choice. Ben doesn’t live around here. I knew that if I let it happen, I would grow close to him. Deep down, I know I’m not ready for that. I would only end up hurting Ben and, by extension, Monica.

No, I can’t let this go any further.

I shower off and pull on whatever clothes I grab first. I definitely need time to myself today, but I don’t want to spend the day wallowing in my friend’s apartment. That’s a level of sad I didn’t want to hit today.

With no real plan, I strode out the front door and into the bustling city. I walk in no particular direction. My feet take me to the museum of classic art. I feel kind of crappy for going to a museum after telling Ben I didn’t want to go, but it was a good idea. I purchase a ticket and go inside.

I wander into the expressionist wing and let myself get lost among the stunning canvases that manage to tell whole stories with just color and lines. I wish I had some kind of artistic talent. I can pull together stunning outfits at the drop of a hat but I can’t draw or paint to save my life. Maybe I’ll join a class. I have time for a hobby now that Peter’s out of my life.

Tears well in my eyes when I think about him. I take a deep breath and focus on a serene painting of a pond spotted with pale pink water lilies. I need to make myself feel like that pond. Calm and untroubled. Easier said than done.   

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Touch me. Tempt me.
Tease me. Please me.