Because check it out I found out today that Gym Bro was sick with the flu and he’s been laid up in bed for the last few days.
I have the flu too and I’ve been laid up the last few days.
I must have gotten it from having sex with him! When I was having sex with the both of them.
A disease you catch while having sex makes it sexually transmitted right?
Oh my God!
I can’t believe this.
Of course Lana is trying to convince me that I don’t have an STD and that the flu doesn’t count.
she’s like you guys didn’t get the flu by exchanging bodily fluids and I’m like “oh yeah, well one of them spit on my face and I licked it up! So there”
At which point Lana just looks at me strange.
And I’m like….”well I told them to because I wanted to be all slutty” and she’s like you told them to and I’m like what? I just wanted to see what it was like and she’s like wow I need to get out more.
But then I tell Daphne as we’re working (Lana is there too) that I have beaten back an STD and the debate starts all over again!!!
I mean, like come on. Just go with me on this right?
Only Natalie is with me on this. She’s like ya girl you totally have an STD and Daphne and Lana are like “ahem the flu is not an STD”
I’m like yeah okay it totally isn’t if you like get it from the guy at the corner store but if you get it while having sex it becomes an STD.
This isn’t to make getting STDs less significant. Thankfully I’ve always practiced safe sex and recommend that everyone do so. I’ve been very clean with all my sex toys and everything I put inside me. I clean my sex toys more than I do dishes or laundry as Lana will attest.
It’s very important to be healthy and safe, Angels. Because at the end of the day, as I found out from my own fighting back the flu-STD that when you’re lying in bed shivering and having delirious dreams about purple unicorns killing mean people that you are at the end of the day responsible for your own safety and health. No matter what anyone says – be it husband, boyfriend, lover, girlfriend, or just booty call – you need to make sure that you’re safe and you take care of yourself first. Because the trick to being an independent and strong woman who stands up for herself is not letting what someone else dictates sway you when it comes to your own safety.
So a bar seems sketchy? Don’t go in. One of your boyfriends friends seems off? Let your man know and tell him that you aren’t going to be in the same room together if there’s alcohol involved. It’s a dark parking garage? Then call a friend to have them accompany you.
It may seem inconvenient, but like my momma always said – it’s better to be a few minutes late if you’re driving than speeding and getting into an accident. Because then you’re really late.
Anyways, I dunno if this rambling made any sense but I’m going back to bed bc I have the flu. Love you angels