Sweet Caroline

Alright Angels. 

The Avenging Alexis Angel is back!

I’m dressed so slutty and with enough makeup done just right that I could totally make any dude want to do me for the night. 

That was the plan last night as I went out with Lana and Natalie. 

Although to be fair, Natalie was like okay lets go and Lana was like no I want to stay at home and watch Black Mirror but I was like no we are going to go out. 

So we go out and then we’re like oh wait we’re hungry. And because we’re close to La Taqueria I’m like okay we need to get burritos. 

Lana is like okay be careful because you don’t want to eat too much if you’re going to be dancing. 

And I’m like no Lana I’m going to be fucking haha. 

Lana just rolls her eyes and is like okay whatever. 

So we get our burritos all dressed to kill and then what happens?

I spill salsa on my boobs. I scream and then like the sauce in the burrito kind of drips out too. 

So I’m like trying to clean it up but this time I’m like wearing my panties so I dunno what to do. If you’re scratching your head at what I just said then just think back to when IT Guy and I were in DC and I spilled and he used my panties I gave him to help me wipe off the stain. 

Anyways so now I have this big stain on my chest and I can’t go out clubbing so what does Natalie and Lana say?

Lana is like ok well I guess we need to go home and work on our books. 

Natalie is like hell no lets go to a dive bar where they don’t care what we wear. 

So its off to a dive bar we go. Really dive place in North Beach and we get some drinks. This is the kind of place you put cash on the table and drink silently. A bunch of old grizzled men are sitting around quietly drinking and contemplating their lives and we’re in the corner giggling and being loud and being silly. I’m like okay no one is going to hit on me here but I do get some stares from people. So does Lana and Natalie. But I mean these guys were in their 60s and looking like they’d given up on life until they saw us. 

So after a few drinks I call some more friends over and they’re like what the hell. What are you doing there? But they eventually came over and we started talking to the people at the bar and by the end of the night we’re all going Sweet Caroline duh duh duh and you know what? I didn’t need to get hit on or laid to have a good night. 

It was a good night with girls. 

And that’s an amazing thing. 

I love life. 

Alexis Angel is back and she’s done feeling sorry for herself. 

Watch out world