Alright angels!
The other day I did the press conference about WineBar and then I was like oh no karma is gonna bite me in the ass for writing this and guess what?
It did. lol I swear karma fucking hates me.
Guess what happened to me. I was hanging out at the Bourbon & Branch in San Francisco and I actually brought my laptop with me so I could do stuff in the store. And then all of a sudden I hear “Are you a developer?” from a voice behind me.
And I look back and its this dude. He’s holding an old fashioned and he’s got a smirk. I’m like whoa. “No, I’m actually an author.”
“An author who does websites?” he asks me.
“I sell direct to my readers,” I said.
“Are you any good?” he asks.
“I’m a USA Today Bestselling author and I’ve hit the Amazon Top 100 like 200 times,” I said to him. He’s like whoa.
“That’s impressive,” he says to me and I’m like ooooh its been so long since someone has been impressed with me.
“What do you do?” I asked.
“I’m a professor,” he says to me. “I teach poli sci over at UC Berkeley.”
So I raised my eyebrows at him because he looks like 32 and I’m like you’re a professor and he’s like yeah I’m an adjunct. I did my PhD at Harvard. And I’m like wow ok. He also does some consulting for some political campaigns. Anyways, he ends with, “I have some friends over there that I got to get to but have a drink with me at the Top of the Mark this Friday.”
I’m like oh. my. god. Someone just asked me out.
“Here’s my number. Call me,” he says, “I can’t wait to have dinner with a USA Today Bestselling author”
And I’m like sitting there speechless as this totally handsome 30 something year old who looks like he stepped out of a magazine walk away. And I’m like okay tomorrow morning I need to talk to the angels and see what to do. I’m thinking I should call WineBar and ask if its okay to go on this “date” but I dunno. I want to because he was so smooth and suave and WineBar has made it clear that we’re not a thing until we figure it out but I dunno babes. What do I do?
I was so not sure what to do that I went back and read Naughty Lil’ Angel. I also put it up on the store. It’s got a re-release special of $1.99 for the next 24 hours. You can grab it here or on the Featured Deals Page!! And please let me know what to do!
If you and winebar decided to see other people then I see no harm with you going to dinner. But I mean the same goes for him though if he meets someone would it bother you if he went out with someone else? You two need to set some sort of boundaries either your exclusive or your not. But you need to be sure before you go on this date.
Thanks!
I agree with everything Christi said. Tell Winebar you’ve been asked out on a date, and see how he reacts…..and if the two of you are going to set boundaries, remember that you have just as much say as Winebar. He can’t have it all his own way….I still haven’t forgiven him for Miami!
Thanks!
Shoot, it’s just a drink and now it’s dinner. You’ll be in a very public place and if WineBar is still up in the air about where the two of you stand then I say go for it. If you talk to WineBar let him know that you received the invitation and see how he feels about it. It’s not like he’s put a ring on your finger and you’re not planning to jump in bed with Professor Dude right away so no foul that I can see.
I agree with both Christi and Susan. If boundaries are not set, SET them. Make sure that they have your best interests in mind. Life is too short to have to wonder ‘Are we a couple, or aren’t we?’ Do what makes you happy – with no regrets later in life.
Don’t do it. Wait until after the holidays when you will have had the talk with Winebar.
I don’t agree with that statement.You should not put your life on hold until he decides what he wants. I say girl go for it. It is just dinner go have some fun. Life is to short.
I agree with Christi, Susan and Donna. Wait until you and Winebar have talked and made a decision. If you bring up dating others to Winebar,he may feel as if you don’t really want a serious relationship with him. Make sure you know what and who you want, before doing or saying anything at all.
If you are interested in going to dinner to and for drinks with him, as long as you’re in a public place, I don’t see the harm. Have fun, and enjoy! You sound like you doubt that he is a professor, why not do a search with his name if you don’t feel comfortable, or if you are really uncomfortable, you have his number and the control. If you feel that there is something fishy about him, don’t call.
Teri makes some good points. Go to dinner and see what professor dude has to offer, as far as mutual interests go. You might even find yourself making comparisons between a man you want and a man who makes you feel good about yourself. Talk more about him than about your books (because he may mistake a romance writer with an easy lay). Just keep your mind open –and your panties and lipstick on.
I totally agree with all of the above! I still have not forgiven Winebar for NOLA let alone Miami. A girls gotta live her life and there’s no ring on the finger. If you want to ask , fine. But nothing says you have to discuss a date with WB . That can go downhill fast.
It appears as though I’ve missed a lot of stuff that been going on can anyone catch me up? My advice on just what little I’ve been able to understand is that you should probably speak to WineBar about this (maybe date. Just to make sure you two really are on the same page with where you’re relationship is. I mean you don’t want to go out with this guy and WineBar be all “you cheated”. Be upfront about it all. Who knows it might even wake WineBar up and he’ll realize what he could really lose. Love ya girl hope it all works out no matter what you choose.
If you have to ask, then the answer is Go have a Drink! I know life is complicated but I’ve been a follower for a long time and it always sounds like you are doing all the heavy lifting in your relationship with WineBar.
Even if WineBar is “saving himself” for your relationship (doubt it) – he simply isn’t emotionally available like you need.
Waiting only makes sense if there is a valid reason (like military deployment or a pending divorce).
Get on with your life, gal!
Go out with the new guy. He is there with u and the douche is not! U don’t have to chk in with him God I hate him for playing games with u. He had no time for u when I went to see him but I have to drop everything for him when he comes to see u! Hell no!!! Why is it only convenient for him when he wants u but not when I want him! Forget him go with the new guy! Way better selection when someone is near not far!!!
I say go have a drink and dinner, there is no harm in that. Then when you see Winebar, you can tell him if you think it is relevant, then tell him. But he needs to decide what he wants to do, just like you do. You have some time to think about it.
You said that the last time you and Winebar spoke, the two of you decided to see others until you see each other again for the holidays, at which time you will decide what to do with your relationship, so you don’t need to call him. It was already agreed upon that you are free to see others. I seriously doubt Winebar is going to call and ask for your permission if another woman asks him out (or if he wants to ask another woman out), and I also doubt that he would keep to a public place. I say go for it if you want to. You are both free agents right now. However, keep in mind that if you do want to get back with Winebar, dating and “hooking up” are two different things. Dating is forgivable since he gave you the green light, but anything more is not.
I think since you and winebar are trying to figure out what to do with your relationship, you should mention it first, get his reaction and if it’s not worried. Go for it why should you put your life on hold for a man who doesn’t care.
Go have fun!! It’s only a drink and dinner. Just don’t commit to any relationships until you discuss things with Winebar. If he doesn’t like it then he needs to make up his mind. Love ya!!
Go for the date! You both agreed to date others and talk about things during the holidays. You owe him nothing! I don’t know what happened in Miami but I know he left you high & dry in New Orleans….It’s time for you to spread your wings some more and find yourself and happiness.
I agree with JP. Go have fun!
I say go on the date. I believe it will help you in your decision about Winbar. I say to tell Winebar, though. I would not want to take the chance of someone else telling him about this date.
Go. You have no reason not to make new friends. It’s dinner and drinks. As an author who travels, meeting new people is a normal thing.
Wine bar can’t decide if you’re in a relationship, so you’re not exclusive unless you’ve made that agreement together or promised yourself. Just don’t hide anything from anybody.
You didn’t get picked up, you got invited out.
OMG wish I knew what happened in Miami, my NLs disappeared after New Orleans and that was bad enough…. maybe let him know, but do not put your life on hold any longer, you only live once – no harm in enjoying drinks and dinner.
I definitely have to agree with JP. Give Professor a call and go have some fun.
I’m hearing alot of negative things about Winebar which isn’t good you need to put yourself first life is definitely to short. I didn’t know he was a no show in Miami that’s not to considerate of you it’s only drinks and dinner and WINEBAR gave you the green light. I’m not sure he would consult you before going out with someone else he actually sounds a but selfish like it’s all about him he’s not putting you first. But if your concerned just mention it to him but don’t ask his permission like everyone has said you don’t have a ring on your finger so maybe go and just enjoy you’ll be in a public place so no harm no foul. Your a sweetie just enjoy your life.
Just go for it. Are you putting your life on hold? Don’t
Not to sound hardened but WB does work in wine bars and my guess would be that every other night is probably like date night for him. He’s in a sexy social setting every night he works. Go have a life. Life us passing you by. An adventure is just what you need. My only advice is for you to drink k moderately
I agree with JP too…if you and Winebar did actually to date other people until the holidays. If it was an ambiguous “we can date other people”, then maybe you might want to follow Christi’s advise and discuss it with him. Sometimes things aren’t as clear or defined to one person as they are to the other. And JP’s last comment is spot on!
if you really love him and want to be with him, I say give winebar an ultimatum right now and say where do we stand because I don’t think it is fair to wait until December to decide where we stand. If he loves you, he should do anything to want to be with you. If not, I say let him go and meet other people. I don’t think he will find anyone one that is as right for him as you are.
I have missed 4 mos of emails from you so I am a little lost at the moment about what happened with you and WineBar. If you two are deciding what you want you should sit down and really think about that first. All of us can give you advice but only you can decide what is in your best interest. Best of luck to you.
I think dinner and a drink is harmless, but it would be a good idea to just mention to Mr. Sexy 30 that Winebar is in the background until the 2 of you make a decision. I would not check with Winebar because he made it clear you both could see other people. The dinner is not a big deal, so just enjoy life. Nothing may come of this dinner, but at least you were able to get out and relax and meet a new friend
Gotta be honest- sounds like WB is testing you- how far can he push you and just how much will you take- careful with relinquishing all the control- he will have you jumping through hoops- he wants his cake and to eat it too- I’d call the prof, if you want to keep the date PG say you’ll meet him out with some friends- the whole being in a group kinda absolves you from any guilt and makes it that you don’t have to ask him- the whole “getting permission” thing is just kind rubbibg me the wrong way- you’re giving WB way too much power. Good luck- Jen
Go have FUN and forget about WineBar!!
You’re not in a committed relationship and owe no explanation. As the saying goes, if you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with!
Given my understanding of where you and Winebar left things, I say if it is just drinks or a dinner date, go have fun! Anything more than that, I would probably wait until you and Winebar have reached a more firm decision.
I agree with JP as well.
Go have fun. Permission is not required when both parties agreed to date other people. Remember until the talk, he’s dating others too.
Enjoy life sweetie.
Go on the date. Life happens when your sitting on the sidelines. I’m sure Wine bar sees a beautiful woman and his Johnson is leading the way and making reservations!
This man sounds intelligent, funny, considerate and too damn “present” to pass up. The holidays are months away and you are too can young and beautiful to be waiting for a “We’ll see” situation to work itself out!
Sounds to me like Winebar has commitment issues. Since it was his idea for both of you to date other people, I say go for it. Who
knows, it might smarten him up. Have fun
I would put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel? Do you want WineBar to call and tell or ask you about dates? Do you want to know about any the next time you meet up? I’d think a date/ dinner/drinks is great, have a good time and you will feel it in your heart and know in your mind if it feels uncomfortable or something is off. You’re young and I imagine gorgeous so have a good time…. and let us know every detail!! ?
There are a lot of comments here!
My newsletters stopped when you and Winebar were getting along just fine. What happened? You two seemed to be so good together??
Ya…a lot lol