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Ok so here we go!

The highlights of the date with IT Guy.

So everyone is like telling me like omg Alexis I’m so happy you finally have a real relationship that’s not a self destructive garbage can filled with crack needles. And they say it so fucking nicely lol and I just look at them and wonder what kinda junkie they think I am. I mean my friends (and lots of Angels) tell me like omg Alexis you’re like a mess and you know what? Sometimes I am a mess but I’m a fun mess dammit lol.

Anyways so IT Guy gets all dressed up and I get all dressed up and get my hair done and do my makeup and I put on this amazing tight white dress that’s strapless. It’s so hot. Even Lana said so. Then Natalie said so too. But she was also like…

“Alexis…I can totally see your thong,”

And I’m like oh wow how did I forget that. This dress is white and tight and that means I probably have to go commando.

But that’s when IT Guy knocks and I take one look at him and how he’s all dressed up and wicked thoughts go through my head. So I keep my thong on and smile and follow him out the door after grabbing my purse.

Now Angels don’t worry – I wasn’t like oh ok let the world see my thong. That view is just for IT Guy and maybe the world can see it if I’m like at a bar on a mechanical bull but whatever that’s another story lol.  

So we get to the restaurant and its inside the W Hotel. So I pull IT Guy off to the corner and I’m like come here.

He’s like whoa and I grab his cock and tell him I have a surprise . He’s like totally surprised and looking at me and I bend over and reach in (yeah this part is hard but I’m against the wall and IT Guy is blocking any view of me – and I pull down my panties.

IT Guy is like stumbling his words and I smile at him lasciviously and put them in his pocket and give his cock a squeeze. I tell him to remember me throughout the night which is kinda like duh, I’m sitting across from him you know?

Anyways so we have a few drinks and then our table is ready so we head to the table. We’re sitting there and I’m drinking a cosmo and the waiter hasn’t come by or anything. They haven’t even given us linens or cutlery.

Anyways so I’m drinking and I go to reach IT Guy and that’s when I spill my drink.

Now IT Guy is drinking club soda because he’s driving. And I am wearing a white dress, if you’ll remember.

So babes, what do I do?

 I shriek.

 And then IT Guy is like “here wipe the spill with club soda so it doesn’t stain.”

 I can’t let this dress stain. I spend so much money on it. And so I take his club soda.

 And see…like no napkins anywhere.

 It’s a pretty secluded table. Seconds matter here.

 So IT Guy does the only thing he can think of.

He takes out my panties I gave him and hands them to me.

 I bunch them into a ball and start wiping at my dress.

 I’m furiously rubbing my boob with my panties and it’s working. That’s when the waiter comes.

He takes one look at us and is like “I’ll come back later”

We just busted out laughing.

After that, dinner and drinks and whatever was just laughing at this. We did it too afterwards, but I’ll never forget wiping myself down with a teeny tiny scrap of fabric.

And that was our date.

Also, Mountain Muse has been added to Angel Access!