Ok Angels I think we can all agree.
Honesty is totally the best policy.
Of course, right?
I mean, you want people to be upfront with you. You want to be upfront with other people.
This was my little pep talk to myself when I met IT for coffee this morning. I was like, be honest about your mess.
Here’s how it went.
IT Guy: So yeah I avoided you last night…
Alexis: Yep. I was also weird at dinner.
IT Guy: I told you I loved you.
Alexis: I told you I loved you.
IT Guy: I still do.
Alexis: I love you too, but right now I think I need to love me more. I’m really confused. With my ex showing up…yeah. But also saying I love you but not really being committed.
IT Guy: Yeah. I don’t think you’re ready for commitment.
Alexis: You keep saying that, but what do you want?
IT Guy: That’s not the point.
Alexis: Don’t avoid the subject. If I was ready to commit would you want to be? I’m not but I don’t know where you stand?!!
IT Guy: We have a lot of fun, Alexis, but I don’t think we should go further than that right now.
Alexis: I agree.
IT Guy: Ok.
Alexis: Are you seeing other people?
IT Guy: Do you want to?
I took a huge gulp of my coffee. Right now the only person I wanted to see was Lana LOL
Alexis: I don’t know how I feel about the amount of crazy I seem to be generating. I need like a mental refresh from all this.
IT Guy: I can help you relax…
We went back to his place. He slowly undressed me. I tried to think of nothing but the moment, and his tongue was a lot of help with that. His tongue on my tongue, his tongue all over me. Yeah, it was good.
Afterward I told him I had some cover designs to review and that I needed to send out my newsletter. He nodded and headed to his own laptop.
“I don’t think we should be exclusive,” he said after he sat down. “I had a lot of strong feelings for you, and I still do. So did my parents…and they’re both happily married to other people now.”
“I think you’re a great girl,” IT Guy started.
“I’m not a girl anymore. I’m in my thirties, no shame,” I interrupted. “And yeah I think the I love you was loaded for me. That usually comes close to the happily ever after.” I giggle like a teensy giggle.
“Yeah. And you’re intelligent, fiery, fun, focused, but I don’t know that you and I could start a family together. So I think maybe I thought about a lot of things you were thinking about too.” IT Guy walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead.
I looked up at him. “This is definitely one of the classier break ups I think I have been a part of,” I say.
“We don’t need to break up, but I think we need to slow down.” IT Guys wraps his fingers around my upper arms gently but firmly.
I pull away.
“I don’t think I’m ready to move backwards in our lane,” I tell him. “And I need to move forward with me.”
“Oh,” IT Guy says.
“I’m not saying I never want to see you again. I’m not burning anything you left at my place,” I said with a big grin.
He laughs. “Same, I’m not doing that.”
“I love you…but I’m not in love with you. This has been a very special part of my life,” I tell him.
Grab my purse, walk out the door, come tell Lana everything? Yes, yes I did.
She didn’t say anything at first. We grabbed more coffee and got back to work. We’re about to head out for Taco Tuesday after I get the newsletter out.
Uhm… so am I crazy? I thought I love you was going to feel differently?
Am I so crazy for wanting my own Happily Ever After?
14 thoughts on “honesty”
No, you aren’t. I’ve said that before I was fully ready for the commitment too, but, I THOUGHT I was. So, points for our thoughts? 🙂 Anyway, I do not think you are psycho for wishing for a committed relationship, that’s a good goal. A really good goal. I’m sorry your IT guy wasn’t the one. I believe that there’s a guy out there for you and me, just got to wait. Waiting’s a bitch, isn’t it?
You deserve a real HEA and you haven’t found it yet.
I hate this for you, I thought from the sounds of things IT Guy was the one. One thing I do know, your One is out there somewhere waiting for you.
It will happen and you can’t rush it.
I totally wanted this to work out for you. But you’re right, you need to move forward not backwards. Especially if you’re not IN LOVE with ITGUY. Your HEA is out there. Don’t give up hope in finding it.
I’m sorry this isn’t working for you. You should know that there is someone out there for you ! Hang in there !
You’ll know when it is right, but don’t let the past haunt you.
Labor Day . I slept all day. Temp was 97 with a heat index into the low 100s the low was 73. Same today. We’re baking
So I wanted to give you my thoughts way back when you asked for advice about “the talk “. But a death in the family waylaid me for a while. Then you saw WB and I wanted to comment but Dorian got in the way. But I’m now safely evacuated so I can give my thoughts … even tho I’m sure to be beaten by a thousand Angels’ wings. I wasn’t happy with IT guy with his reaction to your “being late “ scare. Smiling and saying the two of you were a little young to have a kid? WTF! You’re in your 30s which is definitely NOT too young. You may not want or be ready for a child right now but that’s YOUR decision. He was dismissing your concerns and setting you up for his unwillingness to support you in the event things had turned out differently. I’m not talking about marriage per se but he could have assured you that you wouldn’t be alone. Another concern I have is that when you were considering having “the talk” with IT, you said you would be okay if he wasn’t ready for commitment. I don’t have the exact words because my computer is at home and I’m unable to reference the blog. I’m typing this on my phone in a hotel room so I’ll just have to give the gist of it. Basically you said that you’d only had the “one and only” feeling once and IT Guy wasn’t the one who gave it to you. You were okay with however the big talk worked out. These are not the feelings of someone in love with a guy. Now I wanted to string WB up by his pretties for the way he treated you just like the rest of the Angels. But you finally handed him his balls in a bag (go Alexis!!!). You ignored his booty call, walked away from him at the restaurant after he “met” IT Guy in your apartment, told him you were with someone else when he called to say he wanted you back, and ignored his request to meet him at “your place “. You have slapped him down and he keeps reaching out. For someone with WB’s ego, this is huge. I know the Angels are going to give me hell for this, but give the guy another chance. Guys are jerks but they’re not irredeemable. Sit down with him and have a serious talk. Lay down the rules. No matter how busy he is, he has to make time for you. A short text to let you know he’s swamped at work is an absolute. I know you will respect his time restrictions. BUT some kind of communication each day is expected. No more ghosting and no more making plans and then flaking without a word. Demand respect and let him know you’ll give it in return. If he can’t commit to treating you with respect then tell him you can’t see him anymore. But lay out your requirements and let him make a choice. Do this for yourself. You obviously love him. See if he can be worthy of your love. I gave my guy a second chance. Told him if he wanted me then he would treat me with the respect and consideration I deserved. Friends told me to dump his ass but I loved him and wanted to give him the chance he swore he wanted. We’re celebrating our 53rd anniversary in November and we’re still laughing, sharing, holding hands, and loving on each other. Sometimes a second chance romance can give you your HEA. Look at all those books out there! 😍
I too may be in the minority but Victoria beat me to it and voiced a lot of the same things I had running around in my head. We all have to do what’s best for us. Alexis, honey, you just need to figure out what that is for you. Love ya, babe 😘
I agree with Victoria 100% and so much more. I gave my guy another chance and we are on 21 years and still going strong. Lay down the law with WB. I think you and him need/want another chance. If worse comes to worse, you will have closure. All men act like ass hats at times and sometimes women can be hard to understand. But you MUST have communication. I might be wrong but my understanding with both of your (WB) jobs’ is that you can work remotely at times. I mean you can write anywhere! So there should not be any reason you two cannot work towards a common goal. Victoria also pointed out, WB keeps coming back for more. He has apologize as I am sure he will continue to apologize until you accept what he is saying. Stand up for yourself like you have been, demand the respect you deserve and he should do the same. Communicate with one another and be honest. Do not waste any more time on the what if’s and see what will happen. I have more to say, but I need to get it straight in my head.
If other angels want to be mad at me that is fine, but I did not and do not agree with most of them when it comes to bashing WB. We are all only human. Some of us can relate to somethings that happen to others, but ultimately each situation is different because we are all different people. You follow your heart and your gut! WB should do the same! Good luck with you and think about what we say but make your own decisions based on how you feel, not what we are telling you we would do, we are not you!
Lots of love and good luck. You deserve happiness!
I totally agree with everything Victoria said. She said it perfectly! There is no need for me to add anything.
Knowing what you don’t want and won’t accept is a GREAT thing. You’re too fabulous to settle. High of 91 here with lots of humidity as we wait to see how much damage Dorian will do.
I have to say Victoria Bessa said everything ! What she said was point on. I’m sorry IT guy wasn’t the one right now..BUT even that could change with time. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder! Let’s see what those two yahoo’s got! If not your HEA is out there for sure! Hang in there baby. ❤❤
Oh and I’m only 45mins away from you! San Jose!
I say follow your heart, BUT let your 🧠 be involved as well! Winebar was controlling, noncommittal AND moved to Florida for work. Who’s to say he’s not hear to mess up your life & duck out again?! Cuz that’s what he has done more than once! & the no communication? If that chic really is the dad’s other daughter, why in the hell didn’t he tell you up front, like in that FT? WTF hasn’t he called or messaged ONCE since then to explain?? He isn’t straight up with you, EVER. (This would be a deal breaker for me!)
I think IT guy is bowing out for now bc he doesn’t want to get hurt, which is understandable, but not really the point. You need to do what’s best for ALEXIS FUCKING ANGEL, not what WB wants, not what IT wants.
I’d advise to worry about your publishing, website/store & see where the chips fall.
Also, you’re sending out newsletters?! I’ve not had one in forever & am only seeing this now bc I linked thru the DLA daily updates. How can I/we fix this???
Love you guys!
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