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Professor Story – Part THREE

Ok so to all of you who were like wow you attract the strangest guys I have two words for you!
I KNOW!
Anyways, I guess this is dating for the modern life, huh? I read this article the other day that American younger adults were having less sex than ever. Like less sex than their parents or grandparents at their age before them. In fact like 60% of ppl graduating high school still hadn’t had sex. So for the first time ever more people hadn’t had sex than had sex when turning 18.

Anyways, to the people who were like oh I hope you tried something new all I have to say is that like Professor says again to me, “I want to lick your feet,” and in my head some reason he sounds like Dracula. Like I give him a Russian accent and he’s saying in my head…”I vaant to leeeck your feet” and I’m like giggling.

He’s like “is that a yes?” and I’m like okay what the hell so I nod yes, and I’m like okay someone is literally gonna suck my feet.
So he tells me to sit down and I sit down and lean back on my sofa and the dude gets on his knees in front of me and takes off my heels. He starts sniffing my feet and I’m like oh boy I’m not kissing you after this.
He sticks his tongue out and licks my big toe and….I giggle.

Seriously it tickles. He keeps licking and now he’s licking the base of my foot and there’s something at this point that I should tell you.
I am seriously very very very very VERY ticklish.
He’s holding on leg and putting my foot to his mouth and licking it and I’m trying to hold it in but I can’t.
I laugh.
Hard.
And jerk and twich.
And my other foot spasms.
And shoots up. Like you know, when you’re ticklish? You have spasming movements?
My foot shoots up.
And it…uhmm
Hits him in the face.
Like on the nose.
I DIDN’T MEAN TO!
But it just goes up there I didn’t have any control.
“OW!” he goes and he falls back and he’s gripping his nose. I mean I had heels on that leg still and I’m like omg! Oh no!
I jump out of my chair and go to him and he’s gripping his nose and I’m apologizing and he just looks at me.
“If you didn’t like it you could have just said something!” he yells and I’m like NOOO! I didn’t hit you on purpose. It was weird but I would never hit you!
He’s like bouncing up and down in pain and he grabs his coat and runs out of my apartment.
And that was it.
But this isn’t the last part of the story. Because I didn’t hear from him on Saturday but I did on Sunday but that was an odd situation by itself too. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow!

Today is the biggest sale ever! We’re getting ready for Black Friday so we’re doing various sales to celebrate.

Buy Woman of the House today and get 25% off any menage! If the book has more than one partner, you get a discount. It’s a perfect time to stock up babes!

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The Second Part Of The Story About Professor

So we’re going up the elevator to my apartment. Oh yeah, I’m continuing the Professor story from yesterday because it got too long and I was like hmm giant wall of text. Sometimes I don’t realize and I write and write and write and all of a suddem whamo I have a giant wall of text and people are like uhmm no I’m not gonna take time to read all that. Seriously its hard to go with. Anyways, so we’re going up the elevator.
Professor turns to me and I’m like okay he’s gonna kiss me.
So he kisses me.
He’s got nice lips. It’s a soft kiss. He kisses me again and this time its more forceful.
Oh, there was someone else in the elevator. Like some dude on his phone. I don’t think he looked up from it.

Anyways, we go up to my apartment and he’s kinda grabby so I’m like okay this might be fun lets see where this goes.
“Do you want some wine?” I ask and he’s like yeah.
But then he’s like, “I also want to do something a bit…odd.”

So you guys remember Freeway. I’m not in the mood for odd right now. I mean tie me up, stuff my panties in my mouth, and spank me and I’m cool. Blindfold me and put your dick in my mouth I’ll get behind. Have sex on the couch and then turn on ESPN even and I’m okay with that. Seriously.

But odd?

That just makes me think something is not right.

Warning bells are going through my head. What could be going on?

He says the following words.

“I want to lick your feet.”

Uhmm…what?

“I want to lick your toes and your foot and your ankle,” he says.

“Well, I mean do you want to fuck me too?” I ask.

“Maybe not on the first date,” he says. “I’m kind of old fashioned.”

“But you wanna lick my feet instead?” I ask, arching my eyebrows.

“Yeah, it really turns me on,” he says.

Now you wouldn’t think this looking at the dude. He seems clean cut. No tattoos. Probably calls his mom at least once every few days. Goes to the gym. Plays sports.

And licks feet.

So then I said….

Yeah I’ll go through what I said later. Right now I’m gonna talk about Featured Deals. Because Men of the House is now on sale for $1.99.

If you haven’t read this book, I think you need to. This set standards for dirtiness. It literally revolutionized how dirty a book could be. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, wait till you get to the kitchen scene with the cup. And the stepdad and stepbrother. Don’t say I didn’t warn you lol.

Talk to you soon Angels. I have a BIG surprise for you!

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There’s A Party In Lana’s Pants (Part 2)

I LOOOOOVE this title because Lana is like omg no what are you saying and she’s blushing.
So I have some big news!
But first. Professor.
I’ve been holding out on this story for long enough. Here are the gory details.
So I had a car pick me up and take me to the North Beach bar where I was gonna meet him. I was shooting at 1000% Angels. I had my hair done. I was dressed to kill. I had makeup and perfume set up perfectly.
And Professor is already waiting for me outside and I’m like okay he’s on time so this is a good sign.
We order cocktails and he’s telling me funny stories.
“What’s the best part about being a writer?” he asks me.
“My readers and fans,” I tell him without thinking.
“How many are there?”
“Over 10,000 easy,” I say and he’s like omg and is super impressed. I show him some of my titles and he gets a kick out of the covers.
“You’re not intimidated by the fact that I write smut for a living?” I ask him and he just shakes his head.
“You know what you want in the bedroom so that makes it better for me,” he says with a grin lol
“You’re pretty presumptuous aren’t you?” is all I can ask but inside I’m like gosh wow he actually has no problem with my career choice.
We finish dinner and he tells me all about him. He’s never married. No kids. Went to school and moved out here. He holds my hand as we walk down Columbus Avenue and I’m really really feeling him.
We walk and talk forever and I steer him in one direction after another until we’re back in front of my place. we must have been walking and talking forever. I’d say close to an hour.
“This is my place,” I tell him.
He just looks at me.
“You want me to come up?” he asks.

And I’ll tell the next bit tomorrow!

Honestly, even if you don’t get an email check back on the blog everyday because this is where I post first before sending my newsletter. Also, check the featured deals page everyday angels! We put deals up every single day! Usually they are new releases but it can be contests or freebies!
Today’s deal is the re-release of a bunch of reverse harem! That’s right. MFMM that makes you go MMMMMM. It’s literally buy one at a reduced price of $1.99 and get the other two for 30% off. So if you never had reverse harem before you’re gonna wanna get this.

Oh also I have some big news. Ever since the store started I’ve been looking for authors who might wanna join me. Usually I start with people that got kicked off Amazon. If you have any suggestions let me know but I have some authors lined up that will sell through here too but we’re just working out the contracts and stuff right now. Which means more reading stuff for you.

Also, I am gonna be expanding the fun and games section soon. You are gonna LOVE what I put on there. Because this is Naughty Angel Publishing – where the dirty lil angels come to play!!!!!!

Posted on 94 Comments

Ok, someone take a chill pill

So I got this email today. I didn’t wanna put it on the newsletter but Lana (who was over the moon at the number of people downloading our freeibe was bummed today when she saw this) and I were like scratching our heads. Don’t worry I’ve removed him from the mailing list. And I’m figuring out how to ban him from the site or if I even wanna do that. But let me paste his email.

IT reads:

Alexis and Lana Angel:

The indie publishing world was a better place before you showed up. And it was great while you were gone. I hope you fail. Your series is garbage. Your books are trash. No one wants to hear about your life. No woman will ever be empowered by the likes of you. The world would be better off if your website just folded up and died. No one wants to read your stupid books. Stop fooling yourself and thinking anyone wants to buy anything from your store. Do yourself a favor and go stop trying to put sentences together and go back to the kitchen where you bitches belong. You’ll thank me later.

(Name redacted)

Right so I’ve gotten hate mail in the past. But never to this level of vitriol. Anyways, I know I said I’d talk about Professor today but I need to go call Lana and try to cheer her up. I’ll post about it later on tonight or tomorrow at the latest.
Sorry angels. Sometimes there are mean people out in the world.

But I’m not standing down. I came back after Amazon. I am gonna kick this dude in the balls if I ever meet him. With my heels. I’m not backing down. Are you?

Posted on 20 Comments

Wow what a morning!

Hey Angels!
I need a drink.
Not just because of the date last night.
But I mean that too.
If you look back, you’ll see one of the blog posts is missing. The one where I called WineBar on Thursday and told him hey I’m going on a date on Friday and he was like ok cool and I was all pissed off.
Anyways, that post is gone.
Also gone is the post that I had about Lana’s new series. Because I was like talking about Professor and our date and I was saying shit and then I was like but I’m not gonna go and say everything because I don’t wanna ruin Lana’s thunder because she just released the Dirty Brother series and Book 1 is free thats part of our featured deals.

Anyways so I even had a video. (See the video below)

So I wake up at 5 am this morning because I forgot to take the makeup off my face and I check the site and check my emails because I have 40,000 emails and I am responding to them and it doesn’t let me in.
So I’m like whats going on.
And it turns out that so many people had started to come on that the entire server had crashed!
Lets get this figured out. So many people wanted Lana’s Episode 1 that the server was like oh no I can’t handle. Also, I may have gotten the lowest level of server space because I didn’t know if anyone would wanna read our books at all.
But it turns out they do!
So ppl downloaded and the poor server was like help me.
So I call my internet provider and they’re like hmm we have to do this on Monday we can’t do it now.
And I’m sitting there in yesterday’s clothes because I passed out and I’m like what? And they’re like yeah we have an error we don’t know whats up and I’m like:

“Okay, hold on. I was banned from Amazon! I WILL NOT BE BANNED FROM THE INTERNET! You will escalate this!”

And like two hours later, the site was back, the server was upgraded and the only issue was the blog posts were gone from yesterday which was the last time we backed up the site.

Anyways, I owe you a story about Professor. Lets just say…remember Freeway? It’s kinda similar. But not quite.

Anyways, Sunday is when I will tell! Right now I need to go relax!~

Check out Lana’s series! Episode 1 is FREE

And check out the trailer I had made for her!

Posted on 9 Comments

So Lana Has Been Busy…

Hey Angels! I’m getting ready for my date today. Here is my schedule:

9 am to 11 am – Gym on the stairmaster to do last minute exercises to make my ass look good
11:30 – 12:30 – Shower and get to the nail salon so I can get my nails done
12:30 – 1:45 – Lunch
2 – 4 – Get hair done and go to Neiman
4 – 6 – Find a cute black dress for tomorrow
6 – 10 – Write the next Mona Book

Ya I feel good. I’m feeling really good. I’m going to rock Professor’s socks off during our date. It’s gonna be fun to go out into the world again!

Meanwhile, Lana has been a busy bee. We have a NEW RELEASE! It’s called Stolen. And it’s $1.99 for the next 2 days! Also, for the next two days is a coupon code that lets you buy the whole series for 25% off! Use DARKANGEL when buying The Virgin Market, Gambling For the Virgin, Buyer’s Market, or Murder/Love!

Go to the Featured Deals page!!!

Lana is so excited! I am so excited! I love my life! I love you all!!!

Oh, what you think of my schedule, Angels?

Posted on 64 Comments

Yeah I’m gonna go on that date

So first off thanks Angels for all your words of advice yesterday.
I called WineBar last night to be like hey this dude asked me out on a date and I wanted to see if you were set on what we decided – that we don’t know and we’ll decide when you get back.

WineBar picks up the phone when I FaceTime him and he’s talking to me and we’re going back and forth and then guess what I see?
I see a shadow behind him!
Not just any shadow!
The shadow of a woman.

I swear. That fucking skank. Some dark black haired chick who seems to be putting on earrings. Totally unconcerned that she’s walked into the view of his camera. He has no idea that she’s behind him but she’s like looking at the phone and my face and looking out of curiousity. Like who is this bitch talking to my man. Oh the height of irony. She’s thinking who is my man talking to.

Uhmm…no. I didn’t even ask him about Professor. I just was friendly. We talked another minute and then I hung up. And poured myself a glass of scotch. Ew. But I needed a drink.

I am gonna get dolled up. Do my hair. Do my makeup. Buy La Perla. Get my nails done. Get a nice dress.

And I’m going out.

Beware world. Alexis Angel is back. And she’s out for blood.

In honor of that, I want ALLLL the men in the world. That’s why today, Sevensome is up for sale! This book got booted off Amazon. But for the next 24 hours, if you buy it, you get 7 other books for 25% off. That’s like getting 4 books for the price of 7 I think! You don’t wanna miss it.

And the world has missed me for long enough. I’m fucking back. Bitches won’t know how to act.

Posted on 44 Comments

Soooo….I need your advice!

Alright angels!

The other day I did the press conference about WineBar and then I was like oh no karma is gonna bite me in the ass for writing this and guess what?

It did. lol I swear karma fucking hates me.

Guess what happened to me. I was hanging out at the Bourbon & Branch in San Francisco and I actually brought my laptop with me so I could do stuff in the store. And then all of a sudden I hear “Are you a developer?” from a voice behind me.

And I look back and its this dude. He’s holding an old fashioned and he’s got a smirk. I’m like whoa. “No, I’m actually an author.”

“An author who does websites?” he asks me.

“I sell direct to my readers,” I said.

“Are you any good?” he asks.

“I’m a USA Today Bestselling author and I’ve hit the Amazon Top 100 like 200 times,” I said to him. He’s like whoa.

“That’s impressive,” he says to me and I’m like ooooh its been so long since someone has been impressed with me.

“What do you do?” I asked.

“I’m a professor,” he says to me. “I teach poli sci over at UC Berkeley.”

So I raised my eyebrows at him because he looks like 32 and I’m like you’re a professor and he’s like yeah I’m an adjunct. I did my PhD at Harvard. And I’m like wow ok. He also does some consulting for some political campaigns. Anyways, he ends with, “I have some friends over there that I got to get to but have a drink with me at the Top of the Mark this Friday.”

I’m like oh. my. god. Someone just asked me out.

“Here’s my number. Call me,” he says, “I can’t wait to have dinner with a USA Today Bestselling author”

And I’m like sitting there speechless as this totally handsome 30 something year old who looks like he stepped out of a magazine walk away. And I’m like okay tomorrow morning I need to talk to the angels and see what to do. I’m thinking I should call WineBar and ask if its okay to go on this “date” but I dunno. I want to because he was so smooth and suave and WineBar has made it clear that we’re not a thing until we figure it out but I dunno babes. What do I do?

I was so not sure what to do that I went back and read Naughty Lil’ Angel. I also put it up on the store. It’s got a re-release special of $1.99 for the next 24 hours. You can grab it here or on the Featured Deals Page!! And please let me know what to do!

Posted on 17 Comments

The 7th Press Conference with Alexis Angel

The events of this press conference take place after the portion recorded in the newsletter. Go back and read that first if you haven’t already!!!!

Alexis: Okay, so at this point I’ll take questions about WineBar.
Larosa: Alexis! Where is WineBar?
Alexis: Right now he’s in New York City.
Kristie: Why aren’t you there?
Alexis: Well, I saw him in NYC maybe like three weeks ago. Sorry I had like a store to put together. It’s actually harder than I thought even if it was built for me.
Michelle: Alexis! Alexis! What is the romantic status of you and WineBar?
Alexis: If I were to answer this on Facebook, I’d select the “It’s Complicated” option.
(General whispering and murmuring)
Melissa: Alexis are you seeing other people?
Alexis: The last time we spoke which was in September, WineBar and I decided that we would see other people because I was unable to move back to New York City and he wasn’t able to come back to San Francisco. However we still care about each other.
(Loud commotion)
Gina: Alexis! Alexis!
Alexis: Yes, Gina. Go ahead
Gina: So you guys are seeing other people? You’ve moved on?
Alexis: No. WineBar is coming back to San Francisco for the holidays on December 20. We are going to decide our status then. But in the meantime he and I have decided that if love finds us elsewhere we won’t shut the door on it.
(Chaos breaks out)
Alexis: Please guys. One more question.
Leticia: Alexis! Pick me!
Alexis: Yes, Leticia.
Leticia: So what are the odds? What are the chances?
Alexis: You know, for a while I was really busy just trying to get back above water since Amazon shut my account down. I’d say that the chances of us getting back together, with everything he’s going through and everything I am are at a solid 50%.

(People getting up and shouting questions as security takes Alexis off the podium)

Posted on 10 Comments

So What Happened Next?

So Lana had just sat down when BakerMan came out.

Before I continue, let me talk a bit about BakerMan. See I knew this guy from back in the day when I was on Wall Street. He worked on the European equities desk and we used to banter back and forth. But all the time when we ever met each other at work he was always making googly eyes at me but he never ever did anything about it. I mean I had like every idea that he was way into me but he never ever fucking tried anything. Even one night when I was all drunk and all over him he was like trying to play it cool. So I was like okay this dude is trying to be a martyr.

But the problem? He always looked pained when I was with other dudes. Like gimme a break, if you want something go for it. Am I right?

Anyways, he lived in Paris and I was hanging out with him and Lana had just come over and sat down next to me.

And BakerMan is like “who are you?” to Lana and she’s like “who are you?”

Then she looks over at me and she’s like, “Babe…what happened to WineBar?”

And BakerMan looks at me and he’s like…”wait…who is WineBar?”

So…I may have not mentioned WineBar to my old friend. But I don’t think I did anything bad because its not like I was doing BakerMan. I knew he wanted to. When we went out dancing I could tell he was into me. But we didn’t do anything. Was I wrong??