Author: Lana Angel

I’ve done a lot of reading about dating during the pandemic. I mean the stuff where no one meets up and everyone’s on Facetime or Zoom, because I’m staying at home. There were a lot of experiences out there about people who are meeting new people. 

What I didn’t see a lot of was people who had already met someone and kept dating them after the pandemic started. Which is what is happening with Aiden and I.

Now, at first, I thought continuing our relationship was going to be … overly focused on sex. And, haha, Alexis does like to joke a lot about how Aiden and I are “heavy sweating and long distance petting” but when lockdown became a thing that wasn’t just two weeks… Aiden asked me something that really blew my mind.

He asked me if I wanted to skip over having phone/facetime/text sexytimes. Basically if I wanted to keep our conversations from devolving into lust every time because that’s something I think we were both afraid of. In fact, when we started writing together… it became impossible to separate the lusty good writing feelings and our feelings and it was really intense. I felt like I was in some kind of high, like drugs or something, and I was afraid that it would all crash and burn.

You can tell I’m divorced reading that, right?
Like I have something good and I’m afraid it will fall apart.

Aiden expressed his concerns, similar to mine, but coming from a different place.

He told me how he hasn’t had any really serious relationships except what we have. And while it becomes really easy to focus on being horny, he doesn’t just want to grow horny together, he wants to grow old together.

Strong words from a man who hasn’t committed!

I was taken aback. No sexy pictures? No flirty camera angles? And no finishing off together what our conversations might lead to?

It was really wild.

Like, I couldn’t have been more shocked.

And to be honest, a part of me also worried… how will I stand this 40 days and 40 nights sex drama? I have a high sex drive and I masturbate a lot. How else would anything ever get written without special breaks. 

But it wasn’t about us not being sexual. It wasn’t about us not being attracted to each other.
It was about taking 30 days of not focusing on sex and keeping our relationship going. We got past the thirty days we thought was fair and then it wasn’t like… insta hop into the virtual sack. We flirted, he romanced me. When went on several “zoom dates” (we like to watch a movie together, play a game, or go through a list of questions. We have a few games where we try to guess what the other person might say or things like that) and we’d both eat together even though we couldn’t go out.

And we were allowed to indulge in sexytimes again. But we took it slow. And it seemed… just mindbending.

We both agreed we felt pretty close.

But let’s be real. 

Not flirting with each other.

Not being physically around each other?

I think we’re going a little insane quaran-dating. 

But that’s just what we’re doing for now.

I know everyone was dying to know what was up with Aiden and I. I don’t even know if this was really boring or what???? It took me so long to write because I want to be honest. I wanted to share what was really happening with us. 

And there’s a lot of good.

But it’s so lonely.

As I said before, I’m divorced. My ex-husband is former military. We went through a deployment. I thought I would be more prepared for this.

But there’s a lot of differences… like neither of us in harm’s way. We are very blessed to be able to work from home and use things like DoorDash and Instacart to make sure we don’t really have to leave the house. 

There’s no end date to our separation just yet. It came on unexpectedly, and we have no clue when it will end. Neither of us is eligible to be vaccinated anytime soon so it’s just zoom, zoom, zoom (or facetime, depends on whether my laptop or phone has a better charge to be honest).

And it isn’t something just we’re going through. It’s something much of the world is going through.

I keep telling Alexis I am ready for some “precedented” times. Because we seem to have a lot of unprecedented shit going on and it is a lot to take.

I’m happy and I’m in a relationship. I have a boyfriend. He’s long-distance… even though he moved to Bay Area before all this happened. It used to be really easy to see him because he LIVES IN THE SAME METRO AREA but that’s long distance now.

I know I have it much easier than so many people. I really do. So I hate to sound like I’m complaining.
I am very, very fortunate.

But I also wanted to share with my Angels.

Tell me how you’re doing, please!

Are you quaran-dating? Cooped up with your spouse?

Don’t laugh babes but I am… feeling pretty baby crazy. I mean I want to do the whole nasty sex thing with Aiden, sure, but I was hoping we’d get to move forward in some stages of our lives and I really would like to know when that might be realistic. Also haha we have talked about it some but I didn’t want to bust that level of hormonal angst onto my boyfriend too fast.
I guess Facetime is good birth control though? Things aren’t happening too fast! But I want them to happen eventually!!!!

I need 40 more exclamation marks to cope with this stuck at home-ness!!!!!!!
Tell me how you’re doing!!!!
This key is my only release now haha!!!!

But seriously, I hope you’re all safe. Thank you all so much for letting us tell you stories and keep you company during this crazy, crazy time. 

Hey Angels,

Alexis has kicked us off, letting you all know that our big, broken, beautiful blog is back. And boy have we missed it. Alexis has been working hard to get that back together AND I saw her working on a new book. She is, as always, totally #goals!

I’ve been baking. Like so much baking. I had a pantry full of goods already because I believe in being very stocked and I’m a big couponer. Once I moved to California, the price of groceries probably aged me ten years, but at least when the groceries cost more, then the coupons are higher value.

Baking-wise, I’ve made a few hundred messes and maybe about half as many good things. I’m actually not good at baking? I cook very well, thank you very much, but I am all about experimenting and doing what feels good. Well, baking isn’t like that. You have to know what you’re doing and stick to a recipe. That’s really never worked for me.

So I decided to perfect the quarantini! The one thing I really didn’t have stocked up in my pantry?

Booze.

Especially when you can’t take Alexis Angel to a bar. Lord, have mercy on us all!

So a quarantini consists of what’s on sale that also the Instacart shopper can find and pairs well with the booze of choice that could be found. I’ve been working out a lot to counteract both the bread and the fact that I’ve been drinking fruit nectars with tequila and a splash of club soda for some sparkle. 

What are you drinking nowadays? I think I’ve drank every hard root beer that my grocery store stocks. I still find myself liking tequila the best or getting those awesome canned seltzers like Bon Viv or White Claw. Smirnoff makes these Rose variety packs that are ahhhhhhmazing. Seriously, when they are in stock, they’re the best. But for some reason I can’t find them on instacart but I place a request. Being the organized one you better believe that I have a photo and description and everything ready for placing a custom request in Instacart lol!

Our neighbors and us too have been getting out on our balconies in the evenings and chatting over drinks and music. We all tune into the same radio station or try out Pandora stations and stuff and just talk. How is your family? How’s work? Explaining to some of our neighbors what we do was not my proudest moment.

That night, I happened to have run out of club soda so I was drinking this vodka seltzer that I found. I drank the whole pack and it has way higher an alcohol percentage than the other stuff and hoooboy, I was D-R-U-N-K. So I told everyone that I produced very creative smut that is all the fantasies that by the time I’m done, you didn’t know you had and you couldn’t get rid of. Lol. Not too bad. But what we do at the store… it’s… unique.

But heyyyy I have about a thousand emails that say you want to know what’s going on with me and Aiden! The answer is… we facetime almost every day now. It started as just a way to chat. We even were sharing things we were cooking.

But I’m fucking horny. I said it. I want dick and I can’t get to it! So I have been saying the naughtiest stuff on Facetime to at least see what I can’t have. I think my fingers are wrinkly and pruny… 

Lol I think I’m oversharing. But, uhm… so I have been wondering if I wanted to get more serious with Aiden. He seems like the real deal. But this is the worst time to try to start a relationship, right?

But all that time we were talking, it made me want him more, but it made me care about him more.

So is dating long distance the way things are now just crazy or what? Let me know what you think.

Hey Angels! 

I’ve been keeping my silence about Aiden because, as I’ve said, I’m not that sure about him and, of course, myself. 

I want to keep him to myself first. LOL. And I’ve been having fun on the side, but it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about him. Girls just wanna have f-u-n. 

But because you’ve been asking about him, I’m going to share our moments together. You see, earlier this morning – it was so sweet – he surprised me!

He arrived early and asked me to have breakfast with him. I was like, oh my God! my hair is still standing on end. I looked like someone the cat dragged in. 

But he looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he has seen. Aiden had this dashing smile with a rose in his hands. I wasn’t ready to go out, so I told him we were having breakfast in my place. 

So yeah, he cooked a simple yet hearty meal with eggs and bacon. It has been a long time since someone cooked for me. My heart went on overdrive, but I held my emotions. 

But the feeling of wanting to bare my heart to him? It was eating me as if I really wanted to tell him everything about me. All my needs and everything that my heart desired. I wasn’t sure if he would understand me, though.

I just want someone to accept me for who I am and love me for real. But in my quest to find the person for me, I encountered so many people that left me with a broken heart.

Anyway, let’s go back to my romantic breakfast with Aiden before I go on to talk about my failed romances.

Aiden asked me about my days⸺he went to a seminar, so we haven’t seen each other for a few days now⸺and I almost choked on my food. He asked me, and I felt a bit guilty. Well, nothing was going on between us yet, so I’m not supposed to feel this emotion. 

I told him, “I was fine. The day is the same as usual with the girls.” 

He was like, “That’s good!” 

Then we continued to talk about things… until I decided to spill the beans to Aiden and to see where we go from here.

Hey Angels,

Thank you all for your all comments and emails about your “word” to focus on for the year. It has been really heartening to see those, and your goals, for the new year!

I want us all to support each other.

If you’re looking to lose weight and/or build an exercise/eating healthy habit, then remember to make those good choices today!

If you’re looking to find love, then put your heart out there, and don’t settle!

If you’re looking to read a lot of books – lol we got hundreds of emails about reading goals alone – then hey y’all, get to it! Always happy to support a reader! It sounds silly, but creating an actual reading list has helped me. My mom has a spiral notebook she writes all her series that she’s reading in, and she puts a check next to the books as she reads them. Simple, but it works!

If you’re working, going to school, and that’s where your goals are, then I support that hustle! Keep working hard for what you believe in and you can achieve it.

I’m so grateful for all the Angels, who not only support me , but each other!

Let’s all support each other in 2020!

I’m setting some new writing goals and I know our cover designer is setting some goals, too, lol, to keep up with all our stories!

So, one more thing… I am serious about something else this year. I really want to keep dating and getting to know Aiden.

I think I don’t want to rush into a relationship yet.

I’ve always been in relationships and I never thought my marriage would end. I don’t want to end what I feel is supposed to be forever, and that’s how I feel about marriage.

So I’m not rushing into it. I’m taking it slow enough to be sure.

But it’s not like me to just “play the field” or whatever you want to call it. Dating non-exclusively seems odd to me. And while the fun I have with Alexis or with other guys might be just that – fun – I’m not used to being in non-serious relationship type stuff.

But Aiden does seem like someone I could be serious about. I think I just need to be sure that, after spending nearly a decade with a man and having that end, that the instant it feels good, I don’t just jump in.

We need to know more about each other than… I guess, the good stuff. I have to know that he’s not someone I care about when it is easy, but he’s someone I care about when things get real, or hard. Everything’s easy and fun at the beginning, just like in friendships, but you have to see who sticks through.

And Aiden’s not a problem here. I mean, I know he’s been a bit of a manslut in the past – no judgement. What I mean to say is… there’s not a problem, but if there was one, it is that I think I’m still wounded and not ready to commit again. I think that I want more space to understand who I am and to be able to love deeply and take care of someone the way my momma raised me to be. It isn’t just a piece of paper, to me, when you marry someone. It is about being lifelong partners.

And I want that.

But I’m not ready to be anyone’s lifelong partner yet. I need to be more present and mindful in my own life. To explore what I want and to be able to be alone with myself. Know who I am.

Then I can love someone else.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get all heavy. But it is heavy, and serious. If you’ve lost your spouse and you’re going on, still, stay strong. My heart and my prayers are with you.

I’m ready for the weekend already. I’m going to curl up with my reading list, a warm cup of coffee, and spend some time with myself.

What are your weekend plans, Angels?

Hey Angels!

I know that Alexis is telling our wild story, but I wanted to butt in today and say that I would NEVER really leave the Angels.

I know that I’ve written books without the Angel last name.

I know I have had times when I was slower to respond.

but never in my heart could I ever actually leave the Angels.

Your support and your care has been a blessing from the moment I started writing for you, and it is a treasure to have such friends and such a family.

As we look forward to a near year, and close a previous one, I want to share “word” for the year. If you haven’t heard of this, it is when you pick a word as your focus for the coming year.

And mine is gratitude. I have an enormous amount of thanks to give to you and to God for being able to share love and stories with the Angels.

What’s your word for 2020?

And what are your New Year’s plans?

Today, you probably have the day off from work. Maybe you’re doing some shopping, or you’re having a cookout (chili time if it is cold) etc. Point is, today’s a day, in the United States, for remembrance and closeness to family members.

My father is a Veteran. My grandfathers are. It means so much to me to honor our service men and women.

I don’t have some plug here for any military romances. I just want to ask you to pray for our soldiers and their families today.

Remember those who gave everything.

Enjoy your long weekend.

Love you all, Angels!

Howdy Angels!

It’s Lana and hey, Aiden posted the cover for the series he and I are working on in his blog post. Alexis rambled like Alexis rambles (haha, and we love her for it) and I was like, hey, I shall also share a story with the Angels today.

So I was browsing through reddit today. I’m not a huge fan of reddit really but occasionally I’ll end up there when someones shares a link and I poke around.

So yeah I’m on reddit and people are posting the sluttiest thing they ever did.

Now granted this is general population. Well, sorta. But I mean it isn’t like it is romance authors posting it. It’s normal human beings lol.

But I was like…

Not sure if they’re really tame or Alexis and I are just big sluts.

I mean, lol, if you read the emails back in the day, you know that Alexis half the time ended up with a book boyfriend rather than an actual man whenever something came up. And I had a very brief period in my marriage where I was getting spanked but it wasn’t enough (lol, dear god, yeah, I know how that sounds).

But still I’ve done some pretty slutty stuff. I was proud and I was like lol nope I’m not sharing here.

But then I got to thinking. What’s the filthiest thing I have done?

And I remembered that when I first started writing romance, particularly dark romance, there was a story I always thought I should tell. But like romance novels and real life can be so different, but I wanted to kinda tell my true blue actual losing my virginity story.

Because I lost my virginity to my dad’s best friend.

Yup. Lol I swear Alexis and the other Angel authors and I live the strangest lives.

So yeah that’s probably the sluttiest thing I ever did. I mean sure I’ve committed some sex acts that probably still aren’t legal in some states but that was the biggest taboo I ever crossed.

But I’m happy to have Aiden be my stepbrother… though I think I’ll like it better if I get to call him daddy.

And, no, I haven’t yet.

We’re not really rushing things or slowing them down, but getting to know each other makes me feel like that whole biological clock fear I had was for nothing. I want a real relationship right now, and it’s ok if we’re not getting married tomorrow if we’re still in the fun, getting to know each other part.

So yeah, ‘fess up, Angels.

Tell us what the sluttiest thing you’ve ever done is!

Hey Angels,

Alexis is letting me touch the blog again. LOL! I promise no outbreaks of hysteria because I’m about to turn 30.

30 is not old.

I mean, Alexis is over 30 and she’s the most fabulous woman I’ve ever met. 

Anyhow, haha, I’m back at the blog because I realized something.

Forget threesomes with dumb Rando guys. Forget wanting to find the “One” and then being disappointed.

When I fell in love with writing, I loved dark romances first. And yeah I’m not one to not say, yes, I want a darker edge to the sex I enjoy! But that’s not what I ended up with.

Like, look at the first two books I wrote with Alexis.

There was our first “Abby” book – Woman of the House.

And there was our first “Dark” book – The Virgin Market.

What did both of these have in common?

Well, haha, first off, if you don’t know – Alexis and I met to write together. She belonged to a writer’s group and said she was interested in mentoring a newer author and giving back to the writing community.

I had joined and was friendly with a lot of people, but when Alexis said she was willing to mentor, a lot of people who definitely didn’t have the success that Alexis did turned up their noses.

Why?

Because we write romance.

But I admired Alexis so much. She wasn’t just my girl crush. She was my role model. 

I wanted to have amazing fans like the Angels – and now I’m an Angel myself because she and I decided to write together with two shared pen names.

First we wrote MMF as Abby Angel and dark romances – MF and MFM – with Dark Angel.
And then Dark Angel books took a very distinct turn.

See, Alexis wrote Sevensome after a looooong night she and I had talking over too many cosmos and not enough sleep even the night before.

By then, she was already my best friend.

And we had so much fun together.

She wrote her first reverse harem book and then we wrote Harem together.

It was magnificent.

That’s why “Dark Angel” ended up writing so many reverse harem books. I was positively obsessed with reverse harem.

And Angels I won’t lie to you. I loved the sex. It was amazing.

But more than anything, I didn’t want to have to choose. My heroines got to meet these amazing guys, and they got to have them all.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that – or the hot sex that comes with it.

And it got me thinking.

Why don’t I relax my one-woman, one-man philosophy?

I mean, I can’t just pick up a harem of guys at a bar. 

We call that something else, many things maybe, and probably none of them would be “safe life choices” no matter how validly hot it sounds LOL.

But what I mean is…

Why am I looking for the one?

I mean, I looked around at the people who work at Naughty Angel Publishing. The ones that were physically with us when we were having movie night. And the ones who live elsewhere but were there with us in spirit. 

And I knew I had something special. Who says your friends can’t be your soul mates in a way? I mean I’m so happy here. 

But I do want a wonderful relationship with a happily ever after. Don’t we all.

So I got to thinking as the only shaking that was happening was earthquake related. I need to relax some and probably have a good time with a good-lookin’ guy… 

And in the last 24 hours we’ve had 3 earthquakes. One of those was after I called Aiden and he came over to pick me up.

We thanked our lucky stars that we were ok and the earthquakes weren’t too bad, and I told him I wanted to have a drink with him tonight.

I told him my theory about how maybe trying to find one guy was impossible. He laughed and said, “Baby, I could be enough man for you.”

Ok so there’s totally possibility there. Truth is that through the hardships we’ve had with lack of water, lack of power, and even lack of coffee or inspiration, he’s shown up. I looked at myself in the mirror before we walked out the door and because of how it was positioned, he was standing behind me. Like it almost looked like a book cover and my brain got all mushy inside.

Lord. I started this blog post in the Uber on the way to the first bar we’re going to tonight (he says we should try out a few and talk about our next book) thinking I was going to be talking about how maybe I shouldn’t pressure one man to be my everything. Like maybe I should date a few.

But the way he’s looking at me right now, well, fuck. 

I wanted to write this whole, different men can be different things to you blog post but mostly I guess what I’m saying is that I need to go out and live a little.

So Aiden and I are talking about our next book, tonight, right?

Yeah. Discussing a potential series we want to write together.

But that’s the thing.

We’ve been writing a lot of stuff together.
He’s been around when I’ve needed him.

Maybe Mr. Charming Bad Boy is worth getting to know better.

Maybe now that he’s relented on teasing me when I’m trying to sleep with him, because he said he wanted to make sure we had a good working relationship, maybe I’m ready for him to tease me again.

But more than anything, he’s the first person I’ve wanted to know more.

And someone who sees me for who I am.

… So, crap. Am I asking?
I’m totally asking.

Can Lana Angel date Aiden Forbes?

Aiden and I have been writing some very dirty books together.

And Angels?

I hope you’re enjoying them. There’s heat and passion and fire on the pages on your kindle if you have because.

Woo.

I need a cold shower after a writing session with that man.

We decided that it was a good idea to write together but not date.

He’s charming and determined to keep me charmed, but now he does it on the page.

Today I didn’t think would be any different. He came over with a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte today because he knows I love them but try never to indulge.

“Let’s celebrate putting our new book in Angel Access so that even more of our readers will be able to grab it,” he said.

I was hyper aware of the word grab in there.

The hot coffee made me all warm inside.

And I realized.

I am lonely.

I’m writing romance as much as I can now because… well, I’m lonely. I wanted to make it work with my ex, but it so didn’t.

And I know 30 isn’t old. But I’ll be 30 this year and I wanted to be married and have kids before now.

Not to be all depressing. I blame my period! I blame the pressures of society on a woman turning 30!

And most of all, I wish I wasn’t like, venting, Angels.

I need to join the Alexis Angel movement for empowered women who don’t need a damn man.

But I spend more nights turning in with my keyboard than with a man. I just feel… not too great about it right now.

It’s not like I should jump onto Aiden because I’m attracted to him. He’s a bad boy, consummate lover of women and not who I should just saddle up to when we work together (Sorry Aiden) and like I don’t want to screw things up.

So I’ve decided that I need to treat this the way I’d treat anything.

Figure out a plan and enact it.

If I want a husband, well, I need to figure out what kind of man I want and do what it takes to find that kind of man!

So if you were going to describe your perfect man, what would you want?

For me, I think a sense of humor means the most to me. I want someone who gets me, makes me laugh, and at the end of the day I can just curl up with.

Sorry for how random today’s post is. I needed to vent and Alexis said, absolutely, but then I was so unhappy with this blog post I almost deleted it like four times.

But I feel like I can’t be the only one who thinks this way! And I want to take action, and be a strong Angel, too, so I’m re-activating my Bumble app and I’m thinking hard on making my future everything I want it to be.

Love you Angels!!

Angels! I have been warp speed frustrated with myself as of late and let me tell you why.

Yes, I unblocked WineBar on Alexis’s phone. I thought they had an epic love ok but reading all the comments and emails and tweets and ig messages tell me…

I was so so so so wrong!

I know babes and I am so sorry.

Also because Aiden took me out for drinks last night.

Yeah a Monday and we were drinking k but we had a good meeting with all the authors at Naughty Angel Publishing to talk about some contemporary romance books we want to put out in the coming month. It was fun.

Aiden told me that I work too much and he wanted to show me more of the city.

K so San Francisco isn’t as big as people think but even if every single neighborhood is just around one’s corner like they are all so so so different.

Last night we went to Top of the Mark. 

The Mark is an Intercontinental hotel and a registered historical building. It is gold and gorgeous on the inside. The elevators are gold.

The Top of the Mark is a glass cocktail bar with a 360 degree view of the entire city.

“I’m going to show you all of this, Lana,” Aiden says.

Then the piano starts.

Aiden orders us drinks, takes my hand, and dances with me until the sun goes down. 

We watch it.

We drink.

We talk.

And I am just talking with him openly. Like a friend. Getting to know we much as we can with open exploration and fun.

He’s so easy to talk to.

He tells me it is because bad boys make good girls talk.

We dance more. 

We look out over the city. And he doesn’t put any real moves on me.

I’m starting to get so desperate lol and there is no other way to describe it.

He doesn’t kiss me. 

I try.

He leans in close to me.

Looks into my eyes.

When we get it into elevator I am so drunk that when he turns to push a button, I slide off my white lacy thong and put it between my lips. 

“Take these,” I say and bring my mouth to him.

His fingers take the panties!

I wanted LIPSSS.

“I’m taking these, and I’m taking you home,” he says, and puts and arm around me… to hold me up.

He takes me home and tells me what a good time he had.

“I did too, Lana, and I am not going to take advantage of you,” he says.

I look into his eyes and want to melt.

I shouldn’t have tried anything with him but just talking with him feels good. Dancing to live piano does things to a girl.

I’m beginning to think I either need to pause dating… or do this reverse harem challenge I joked about with Daphne.

She thinks I should meet at least three guys I like for different reasons that I convince to share me. They can’t be romance novelists because lol we like these kinda things. 

Lordy.