Aloha means hello and goodbye…

Sigh.

I’m leaving Hawaii today. And I’m really just torn about that. I mean I want to see Lana and all my friends and it would be nice to have some clean underwear (I didn’t get a chance to go shopping yesterday) but I also love Hawaii. The weather is perfect. The people are friendly. The food is so good. The drinks never stop flowing and the beach is beautiful. 

But the problem is that I have a real life to go back to. 

I can’t just sit here all day in the sun and write and expect the other girls to pull my weight for me. I can’t just abandon all the other authors that have come to rely on the store. 

But a part of me is like wait why can’t I do my bit from Hawaii? It’s only three hours behind California right? 

I honestly don’t want to leave. And the more and more I think about it, it may not just be about the weather. 

Staying in Hawaii, even as the beginning of the vacation was a garbage can, was a holiday from life. And after everything that went on it felt good to get away from life. I know I don’t have the same problems that some of the other Angels are going through but to me it still seems like pretty major. I know some people who have submitted prayer requests and said not to share have other stuff going on that’s much worse and so I know I’m lucky. 

But I just find it really difficult to voluntarily go back to  my life right now. I dunno if that makes me sad or pathetic or weak. 

But I’m not running away. I’m Alexis Angel and I rise from the ashes. 

It just feels so good to take care of myself and no one else right now.

I might be being selfish. But I wanna stay like two or three more days.

And I wanna fuck Jason Mimosamosamosa lol that’s not his real name but I just joke with it. Maybe I don’t. But I want to think about it another day. I want to luxuriate in the sun. And float in the water. 

Ok Angels thanks for the pep talk lol. Talking this out on the blog and really putting my thoughts out there and made me happy with my decision. 

I’m going to go call Alaska Airlines and then call Lana right away. 

Oh…and if you’re reading this…sorry Lana. I’ll be a few more days!