Hey babes, so sorry for my ultra crazy cliffy omg so we were doing some updates on the blog and when I posted it wasn’t showing up right.
Obviously I’m back now. Can u hear me? Lol
So I’m trying to get my thoughts organized to make sure I tell it all in order.
First up I told IT Guy that I was late. He laughed. Then he looked at me and ran his hand over my thigh and said, “It’s probably nothing.”
I was like yeah.
He’s like, “yeah and don’t you think we’re just too young for that?”
My heart hits my stomach.
It seemed so… chill?
RIGHT NOW I HAVE NO CHILL! Not in that moment. I’m not happy, fun, carefree Alexis. Angel I was not. My halo was on fire hahahaha
Like. It made me mad. I know I haven’t been one to ultra commit but I like exploded. (which yeah babes u prolly saw in the email I’m like on a chocolate donut diet, I totally got my period and even Lana said I can be Alexis Angel and eat junk after last week haha)
I yell, “Oh we’re too young huh? We’re just like messing around?”
IT Guy’s mad. “We can’t have a kid right now. I mean I enjoy my time with you but things haven’t gotten that serious.”
It was like a punch to the gut.
“Seriously????!” like there was punctuation in my voice.
And then IT Guy hit a tire on the road (we were driving). It shook the car up and we were fine k but like it just added to the freakout.
I hadn’t responded to Winebar. I actually was just confused about why I heard from him. And I wasn’t going to our spot.
“This is the best time ever to bring this up but the other incredible guy in my life who can’t commit to me texted me.”
That was a heavy sentence. Like, again, Alexis Angel is fun. I didn’t wear my serious pants. I wore my black lace La Perla! What was going on???
IT Guy pulls into a parking lot.
“I didn’t text back.”
He says nothing.
“He wants me to meet up with him. I’m not going to.”
IT Guy says nothing.
“So Lana unblocked him from my phone. I reblocked him. But I wanted to tell you.”
I look to him. Still silent. What the hell?
“Alexis…” there’s a long pause.
I feel like he needs to say something.
“Lana says morning pee is best,” I blurt. “For a test. I’m doing it tomorrow.”
“Fuck, baby, I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how fast I can move. Things are crazy at work. We’ve been doing whatever we’ve been doing and I want it to be serious. But the truth is you and I both work so much it was why we’ve worked out so much so far.”
I don’t know what to say that. Since when do I work a lot? Ok yeah the store keeps me busy. And that’s not the point.
“Alexis, I’m sorry. If you’re pregnant then we’re pregnant.”
“Stop,” I tell him. I don’t realize the words are coming out. “Just stop.”
“Lex,” he grabs my hand.
We look into each other’s eyes.
“No, we are too young,” I say, a little defeated. I mean I’ve been a little late before but it actually kinda seems like this is a more feasible time for me to like have a baby except for the part where I’m still building up the store. Like I’m not married. Or engaged.
Do I even want to be?
And if IT Guy just wanted to be with me because I was pregnant… it made me like sad.
“Let’s just go home,” I told him.
He stayed the night but we didn’t say anything. He held me all night and when I took the test he stood outside of the bathroom door.
“Lex.” He cracked his knuckles against the door. “I was married before. I was young. My wife…” He paused and I heard him struggle for words. “She died. We thought we should have kids but we were young and I just… I freaked out.”
I open the door to tell him I’m not pregnant and because I don’t want him to be alone.
“And I love you no matter what. It doesn’t matter what that stick says.”
“I love you too,” I tell him. “And I’m not pregnant.”
I search his face. There’s no relief.
Just love.
But this little tiff was like the first crack in something that’s been so good. It felt… weird like some magic left or something.
And even though WineBar’s an asshole and I don’t talk to him, it hurt to see his text. It made me feel raw again and this all happened. Alexis Angel and WineBar seemed like… the thing. The only thing that mattered. There’s like no one like him. Except he turned out to be probably the worst at relationships in the whole world and I write romance novels, shouldn’t Alexis Angel get a real HEA????
I’m not mad that Lana unblocked him.
He asked her too. She thought he might be my true love. She told me that she’s been waiting for him text ever since then and she wished she never unblocked him. Mistakes happen and Lana is like my sister like I’m not mad at all.
I just can’t believe last week omg!
So yeah sorry about the cliffhanger babes.
I’m back from the big serious place LOL and I’m helping Aiden plan to seduce Lana. Like maybe it’s the other way around who knows!!!!!!!
How was ur weekend?