Posted on 18 Comments


My momma has a saying.

Or well something she says about me.

It’s usually said with a laugh and a kind smile. You know what I mean? No matter how old we are, our moms just have a way to warm the heart even when they’re poking fun at us.

What’s my mom always say to me?

“Oh I can’t take you anywhere!”

See, the thing is… this is said in jest. Like she totally doesn’t mean it. I’m so not the bad girl, though a time or two Alexis has been known to say (and yeah pretty sure I said it myself) that you have to look out for the quiet ones.

But this time… today? I couldn’t help but think, yeah, Alexis and I are definitely Naughty Lil’ Angels haha!

So we just got done with lunch and I wouldn’t say it was totally liquid but here’s the deal.

So Alexis normally eats like she’s trying to make a bakery look salty, not sweet. She’s always eating crap!!! So since she hasn’t been well I’ve been feeding her soups and salads and grilled chicken and fish and veggies. Like keeping this woman alive. She’s drinking water. No soda.

Basically she wants to fucking kill me.

So today because we couldn’t wait for the weekend, we went to this by the Bay beautiful place that has all kinds of seafood and got big salads… and even bigger vodka sodas. See Titos=no carbs. Club soda=no sugar.

We took an Uber anyway so we were like… let’s drink a few more!

Granted the salads were good so why not right?

Well one thing you have to know about SF is that if you don’t live in San Francisco and you visit, le brrrrr the wind and lack of constant pelting heat with that Bay breeze? You’ll be cold. I’ve adapted though because I had this cute little minidress on k and that earlier mentioned breeze?

No matter how much I put my napkin, my hands, my phone, a big menu over it, it just kept. flying. up!

Alexis and I are laughing about it. Continuing to douse the veggies in our tummies with more booze (which at this point she and I are like saying boooooooze like possessed ghosts) and we decide to take a little snapchat selfie together lol and we’re having a hard time getting an angle that’s good and holding down my dress.

These four guys at lunch come over and decide to help me. Alexis is like, oh this is your thing, as many guys as possible.

And she says it loud. That’s an important fact that will help us out later in this story but LOL we are waaaay too buzzed to realize that at the moment.

I’m still not totally seeing anyone seriously and Alexis’s perfect brows are wagging at me. I did put on my favorite Mac lipstick today (Russian Red) and I was like, yeah I could maybe go for it.

Then I realize I recognize these guys. So let me backtrack a little to tell you that Callie and I went to a bookstore yesterday and we were looking through, well, of course the romance novel section. Callie wanted to celebrate her new series with some bookshopping, of course, and we ended up…

Okay Angels real quick… you know I’m NOT the bad girl here! I just well… I want to say that before I continue lol.

So yeah Callie and I ended up reading sex scenes out loud in one of the romance aisles and like these four guys were looking at travel guides in the next aisle over and I didn’t realize they were listening to us and we’re discussing what we have done and what we haven’t done, what we would, wouldn’t, etc.

So these four guys recognize me at the same time I recognize them.

“The sex writer!” The guys laugh. They’ve probably put away enough liquid lunch for eight men haha because they’re buzzed too.

“Are you a sex writer too?” They ask Alexis.

Alexis is better now. She’s feeling herself.

She grabs her glass and raises it up and says, “I am so a sex writer. I wrote things that would make you blush.”

Their jaws just drop. People are staring at us.

“Join us at our table,” I say, attempting to be quiet.

I’m not. I’m drunk! They’re drunk too.

We sit at the table and explain books like 10 Commandments and Mergers & Acquisitions and The Virgin Market to them.

They are stunned, we are laughing.

And hey so turns out a lot of other people were interested.

The restaurant closes after lunch before it opens again for dinner and. a lot of people crowd around and start asking us questions. One person was like omg I loved 12 Inches.

Certainly an odd thing to do. But go you, Carol, and thanks for the support!

But yeah the hostess comes over and asks us to please pay the bill and leave.

The guys pay and tell us that they’re hoping to be in a future book.

Alexis tells them to consider auditions, but she’s not taking them. (yeah I think we know why)

But yeah the hostess like followed us out haha.

So Angels am I officially a bad girl now?

Today I added Doable to Angel Access. I think those stories are proof enough that we’re all Naughty Angels ;))))

18 thoughts on “ALEXIS AND I GOT KICKED OUT!

  1. OMG – LOL and fall over from laughing. Go guys rock.

  2. Laughing so hard. I needed this laugh. Thank you. You go girls!!! You totally rock!!

  3. My bestie and I did shit like that when we were much younger. Take the label and wear it proudly!! Now our idea of a fun night is getting high, eating “bad” food and possibly watching a movie on TV. I’m 54 and my mom is 78 and she thinks I’m a “weirdo” because of the books I read and the movies I watch. I’m okay with that.

    1. Yeah Tammy! If you’re a wierdo, I’m a 69 yr old one! Where were these instructional books when I was in my 20s? We had to invent stuff like thry write about! ;-D

  4. OMG. That is great!!! You guys rock.

  5. I used to read hot parts of books on break to some of my male.coworkers to see their reaction. So funny.

  6. Wow, that is hilarious.

  7. Great story. I would have loved to have been there.

  8. Lana you are single. You can be a bad angel or a good angel. You can even be both at the same time. You do you and them if you want.

  9. “Good” and “Bad” ares such relative terms.

    Eating your lunch without dropping/spilling things = good.
    Making a mess on the table, floor, and clothing = bad.

    Politely answering questions from polite strangers = good.
    Yelling profanities and obscenities at perfect strangers = bad.

    Allowing the hostess to lead you out when closing time had passed = good.
    B*tching at staff members when they are simply doing their jobs = bad

    Seems like you both were extremely good at enjoying yourselves.

    1. Great way of explaining that. It seems like everyone was enjoying themselves and as long as they didn’t ask you to not come back you’re good. 🙂

  10. Thank you for brightening my day!
    My brother says the same to me…”can’t take you anywhere”…and OK sometimes it’s true….in honour of which I have a new tee shirt…
    The woman
    The myth
    The bad influence!
    Enjoy the weekend 💋

    1. Ooo!!! I love that!!!
      May I steal it and make one of my own? Pleeeze??

  11. I can totally see y’all doing that…….lol. Glad y’all are able to get out and do things and that Alexis is getting better every day. She is so blessed to have you as a friend who is always there for her along with IT guy and the rest of the Angels..

    Have a great weekend

    1. 😘😘😘😘 hey baby thanks for the well wishes and I am doing so much better

    2. He’s a sweetie and yes I am so blessed

  12. Thank you for starting my weekend off with a good laugh. Isn’t it great to know that people around have read the books. Really funny about the guys in the bookstore too. Have a great weekend.

  13. Hysterical! Good for you guys! Got kicked out of bar while in nursing school! Lol.

Comments are closed.