Posted on 17 Comments

Aiden and I…

Aiden and I have been writing some very dirty books together.

And Angels?

I hope you’re enjoying them. There’s heat and passion and fire on the pages on your kindle if you have because.


I need a cold shower after a writing session with that man.

We decided that it was a good idea to write together but not date.

He’s charming and determined to keep me charmed, but now he does it on the page.

Today I didn’t think would be any different. He came over with a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte today because he knows I love them but try never to indulge.

“Let’s celebrate putting our new book in Angel Access so that even more of our readers will be able to grab it,” he said.

I was hyper aware of the word grab in there.

The hot coffee made me all warm inside.

And I realized.

I am lonely.

I’m writing romance as much as I can now because… well, I’m lonely. I wanted to make it work with my ex, but it so didn’t.

And I know 30 isn’t old. But I’ll be 30 this year and I wanted to be married and have kids before now.

Not to be all depressing. I blame my period! I blame the pressures of society on a woman turning 30!

And most of all, I wish I wasn’t like, venting, Angels.

I need to join the Alexis Angel movement for empowered women who don’t need a damn man.

But I spend more nights turning in with my keyboard than with a man. I just feel… not too great about it right now.

It’s not like I should jump onto Aiden because I’m attracted to him. He’s a bad boy, consummate lover of women and not who I should just saddle up to when we work together (Sorry Aiden) and like I don’t want to screw things up.

So I’ve decided that I need to treat this the way I’d treat anything.

Figure out a plan and enact it.

If I want a husband, well, I need to figure out what kind of man I want and do what it takes to find that kind of man!

So if you were going to describe your perfect man, what would you want?

For me, I think a sense of humor means the most to me. I want someone who gets me, makes me laugh, and at the end of the day I can just curl up with.

Sorry for how random today’s post is. I needed to vent and Alexis said, absolutely, but then I was so unhappy with this blog post I almost deleted it like four times.

But I feel like I can’t be the only one who thinks this way! And I want to take action, and be a strong Angel, too, so I’m re-activating my Bumble app and I’m thinking hard on making my future everything I want it to be.

Love you Angels!!

17 thoughts on “Aiden and I…

  1. We all get lonely there is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone. I loved my 30’s I highly recommend just not looking it will come when you least expect it. I married my friend who I am in love with. Just breathe.

  2. Lana don’t let one man define you or your needs and wants. So what if your 30 and single it’s better than being single and 40. You were always telling me that age is not a factor in a relationship that having something in common was necessary. Just remember you are a great woman, a smart woman and most of all a very loving woman!

  3. I don’t think being Single IS a BAD thing at ALL…
    It’s just THAT we’re constantly told that being in a committed relationship is an ACHIEVEMENT, & there’s SomeThing Wrong with us if we haven’t gotten IT!
    But seriously LOOK around… How many people actually find that Holy Grail!?! or DO they settle because they’re told to, or maybe they fear being ALONE!
    If you want kids… GO get THEM! Adopt, Foster, have a One-Night-Stand, ask a friend for a donation, or just DO the artificial Insemination route! You’ve got options, & I’m here to tell ya that being a Single Mom’s awesome! I raised ALL THREE of mine, from just before the third was born, by myself, & I loved every painstaking minute! LOL. They are ALL adults now, & I’m still single… 25+ YEARS & going Strong! Would I take a Relationship if it fell in My lap!?! Probably, if it was the RIGHT ONE! But I know I can be happy & fulfilled by myself!
    My point… Don’t let society of anyone else tell you, you NEED a MAN to accomplish anything!
    Sure, in a perfect world, that’d be how it works, but that’s NOT always practical or possible, As the odds are stacked against us in many ways. Sooo it’s up to us to be okay in our OWN skin, & okay with being by ourselves.
    We must make our OWN happiness, cuz we cannot depend upon anyone to provide that for us… Otherwise, we become a burden on those around us, & when they are GONE, we then become sad, depressed, and lonely creatures! That’s something I strive to NEVER let happen!
    Here’s to YOU… And Mak’n your Future WhatEver you want it to BE!

  4. You’ll be fine. Don’t settle. Your guy is out there. If Aiden (at his core) is not what you’re looking for then no , you’re right you don’t need to jump in to that. Soulsearching is tough medicine, but have faith.

  5. I agree with the previous post in not settling. Sometimes love finds us when we least expect it and you already know life doesn’t always go as we planned it. I know I sound like all those things my Mom used to say but it is true. If you are ready to find love then go after it but know you can’t make it happen and 30 isn’t old and that doesn’t mean you can’t find all the things you want after 30. I have learned something about myself over the years and that is I don’t have to be married to be happy even though I love my husband. I guess that leads me to your question of my perfect man. I mean no one is perfect and no marriage isn’t without it’s fights and struggles. I totally agree about a sense of humor if a man can make you laugh it’s always good. I would say that a man with a sense of humor, is caring, understanding, supportive and sexy always helps even if that sexy is only to you. I got lucky in that I have a husband that makes me laugh and puts me first, he is loving and shows it in all’s the things he does but he is also a romantic. He loves surprising me and I it gives him great joy to do those things. He has given me trips and jewelry but at the same time he has done small things to surprise me that cost nothing but meant so much because he took to time to come up with something he knew I would love. One of the most important things about my husband is that he wants me to succeed in whatever I do. He wants me to be independent and to be able to stand on my own. I also got lucky and he is also sexy and handsome.

  6. I think it’s more important to be with someone who loves you for who you are inside and out. To hold you when you are sad or down. You are a strong loving and intelligent woman who deserves nothing less.

  7. Ah, so little you ask!
    The perfect man (for you), eh?
    Are you looking for a human being?
    Yes, the beautiful myth of happily ever after is nice to dream about, but life will NEVER be ALWAYS happy, no matter what you do, who you’re with, or who you are.
    That said, let me attack this other myth about marriage and kids being necessarily the portal to that HEA…
    Well, maybe not “attack”…
    However, …
    although it is nice to be able to lean on someone, and be the one a someone else leans on, friends can fill this part of our hearts much more reliably.
    I’ve always considered relationships as good to go until they aren’t. Enjoy one another’s company, play around, have fun, fight every now and then, make up…until it doesn’t work any more. Then, each to their own life, possibly staying friends, but that doesn’t happen too often.
    If you desperately seek to be married, and must be married to have children, most probably you will end up not being happy, because you are thinking that those occurrences are goals. Marriage is nice. So is companionship.
    My mother never legally or religiously married my father, and yet they lived together all their lives, devoted to each other, and had children (obviously.. ). My aunt (mom’s sis), lived “in sin” with her guy all her life, too, and had children. They were both ostracized for their choices, by their own parents and the parents of their partners, but that’s life.
    So, it’s not marriage that makes happiness (nor is of necessary for children), but living your life as best you can, while you can.
    Be yourself, accept yourself, and don’t expect every relationship to last forever. You can hope so, if that makes you feel better, but forever is a very long time.
    Sometimes we can be happy for shorter intervals. With temporary relationships.
    Usually, that’s the way it works.
    You can be strong.
    You have been, in much worse circumstances.

    1. Phenomenal and realistic response.

  8. Lana, I think you know what you want in a man. I am 59 years old and have never been married. I would like to have a man like my dad was. My dad put my mom and his children first for things they needed. After we had what we needed he would get the things he needed,. H e also was a kind and caring man for other people. He put others first on my mom’s side. My mom’s sister had a rough life and my dad would help her. He had mu mom’s dad come live with us because his doctor told my mom and her siblings that my grandfather should not live alone anymore. Her siblings said my grandfather can go into a nursing home. This was in the 1960’s and my dad stated he would not put a dog in a nursing home he will come live with us. So my opened his home ton his father-in-law.

  9. Lana, I am right with you. Only I’m 54 and soon to be divorced. I have 2 sons that I adore, but no love life. My friends are pushing me to get back out there, but simply fact is that
    I was scared. I was married for 22 years and I did not know how to start over. So, I learned that you don’t have to have a man to be happy and I know it is always nice to say it but in reality it does not matter either. So I got some friends maybe 1, 2 or 4 . So that’s my story and maybe like you I will find my mr. right or maybe my right now who knows. But, for sure of one thing I am much happier now just being me and I let my hair down. So, Lana if it’s meant for you to find that one you will, just be happy for who you have become now stronger and have some fun. It will happen.

  10. Lana, I know you are getting a lot of feedback with your post but I just wanted to add something. Be sure that, above all else, you are happy with being by yourself and that will make it easier to decide exactly what you need in “the perfect man” for you. I know it is so much easier to give advice than it is to take it but just remember there are no perfect people and we need to find someone who can take us as we are and not try to change us into something they consider to be perfect. God doesn’t make any junk and He made each of us. I hope that you find what, or who, you are looking for and shoot, single women can adopt babies so if you feel like that is what you are missing then I say try that route. Love and hugs and I sure hope you feel happier soon.

  11. You need to adjust your radar and look for husband and father material (not generally found in hot bars) rather than a bad boy. Now, if you can find both in one gorgeous package, well …..

  12. Sweetheart it’s better to be 30 and single than 30 and in a nasty relationship with someone who doesn’t get you! Figure out what you want then go get it. It’s better to be single when Mr. Right comes along. And if you want to “mess around” in mean time go ahead! You only have one life! Enjoy it.

  13. I’m single and 50. Trust me, that’s better than 30 and with the wrong man. You can be a mother on your own if that is important to you. Again, better to parent as a single parent than with the wrong partner. There is so much love in this world…I’m certain there is some for you. Don’t give up! You ARE worth it.

  14. Hugs, Lana. You will find the one, he’s out there. Don’t you ever settle for less!

    Just to cheer you up – it could be worse – I married at 21 and thought I’d be happy with kids, the dog, the whole 9 yards. Instead, I’ve been married for 26 years (in two months) and not only do I not have the kids, nor the dog (I had one for four – yes 4 – whole days but had to give it up because hubby wasn’t dealing well with the puppy. And….I can’t remember the last time we had sex. We’re 47 & 48, not 68 – and I sh*t you not, he hasn’t touch me in over 14 months. So while I’m married, it’s more like I have a roommate who helps pay the mortgage, but doesn’t pick up after himself, doesn’t help with the house or yard, and won’t even take the trash out unless I remind him.

    Hang in there, girl! I know things are bleak and you are lonely – but I swear to you, It. Could. Be. Worse.

  15. Hugs, Lana. I am a believer that there is someone perfect waiting out there for you. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow but you will find him. Don’t settle, trust me, ’tis better to wait.

    Hope today is a better day. Hugs!

  16. 30 is not old and loneliness can be debilitating, but how helpful is all the introspection? Instead, why not take the number of hours you’d like to spend in dating and sex and devote them to volunteering to help someone else?

    You’re a writer, so find an organization that helps non-literate adults to read. Or volunteer to read to kids at a local library. Or teach life skills (e.g., financial planning and budgeting) at a women’s shelter.

    It won’t solve your immediate problem with loneliness, but it will get you outside of your own head and give you a different perspective on your life.
    Then, when true love does smack you upside the head, you’ll be in a better frame of mind to appreciate it.

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